decided to write some stuff here...

its been quite awhile since i lasted blogged...anyway...i'm still alive if any of u out there still care..things haven been goin all that well since things didn't work out but yea...still surviving...somehow and somewhat...though i still hope for the impossible i think...

wonder if i will be able to survive NS...i know i'm gona miss someone dear load...but there's nothing i can do about it...N.S is an order directed straight from the singapore government...and if i refuse...its either jail term or i migrate...which i wont mind getting out of singapore for a change...but it means losing everything i have here and starting life anew elsewhere...

somehow i wish that i can be more positive but its kinda hard...things still haven been really settled yet and its making me feel more sad with each passing day and the nearing of enlistment...though i know that her family is more important...i still wish for her company...and she has school too...so its kinda hard for her to make time for me...

i just wish things had been different...it would have been so much better...though theres no point crying over spilled milk...sigh...and having people around me pushing me so hard to let go and stuff...its really weighing me down alot...so much burden to bare...but no space to unload them all...

if this goes on any longer...i think by the time i enlist...i might have become so unstable that they have to send in a psychiatrist to review me and stuff...if it really happen...i guess i'll be some what glad...though it would mean that i'm really mentally unstable...i feel that i'm already suffering from clinical depression like the early stage...maybe i should go for a check up or something...i dono...

hopefully not...cause lately i've been feeling more depressed and down easily...like sometimes i can just go silent suddenly and people around me starts wondering if i'm ok or not...then i'll have to cheer myself up just to ensure them i'm ok..which is not really the case...cause i'm really not ok...though i know they mean well...but bleah...sometimes i just wish they will leave me alone...

oh well...i know i'm being an idiot at some point...but i just cant let go...cant let any more horrible thing happen to her again...theres this sense of protection i wan to give to her...and to myself...so i dono...what do i really wan...sigh...

anyway...iron man is indeed a must watch movie...though the story line in e beginning is kinda draggy and theres not much of any iron man action except for a few scenes...but yea...good movie...glad i watched it with her...hopefully can catch another movie with her soon..see how i guess..k think i'll stop here...gona go sleep soon...

split shift duty morning and evening tml...and i'm gona maple before going to work so betetr catch up wif my sleep...tata