today pretty much past by peacefully i guess...morning was abit of a panic cause my shoe started coming apart on my way to church so i had to ask my dad a favour to send me to church.then i met my mom after service to get a new pair of shoes.

after which we went home for lunch and i slept till almost 5pm.though i was still kina sad when i heard that you went online to chat with ku on friday night...which you never did with me...and i hardly get to see you online ever since i started getting to know you more...it's really like you are trying to avoid me...even if i get to see you online,and when i tried chatting with you...you never really replied any of my messages,just like when i send you sms...

but then,during service today,through worship,i realised that i have been depending too much on myself,and not God...and when pastor preached,it really hit me then,that what i had asked for were all for my good being and not for God's glory...whichis probably why my prayers went unanswered.maybe God is really saying to me:NO,SlOW,GROW and all these will be given unto you...maybe it's time to do a self-reflection...am i really straying off like i said to cher hao and john?

it seems that way...and i'm really driving off course and not turning back...though sometimes,i cross path with the right path again and i drive through it before turning a right or left back into the dessert...basically a big cycle...that i'm stuck in..so right now,i think i really need to ask God to show me the way again,the way back to him...

but i hope that someday,when the time has come,i will be able to look you in the eye and tell you how much you mean to me...right now,it seem impossible with you shielding away from me...but i won't give up...unless it's all in God's will for me,so till that part of my life is slowly being revealed to me,only then will i stop trying.

and happy holiday in japan lil sis! hope that you will enjoy your break which i think you really deserved since you had gone through so much these few months :D remember to buy me some soveniors ya?haha just kidding

phew...worked till 1am today...though not that shack,cause i was training a new part-timer who's valerie's younger sister,clarice,or is it clarise?nvm the name,i was practically slack through out the whole night with not much to do...except helping to clear up and close.

and man do i really hate those customers...come in at 11pm when we close at 12 and still dare to order food when it's past 11:45pm...what the heck man...screw you asses!!pissed me off only...other than that,work was ok i guess.

and i'm so happy to see you today,thought that i won't get to see you till like next week cause you said that you won't be coming down today,but you did :) though it was because jas was working today and you came down to accompany her.didn't get the chance to talk to you much cause i have to train clarice and you were like talking to CD most of the time...

but you seemed abit disappointed that i'm paying more attention to clarice?i'm not that sure but that's what i "see" from your expression...not too sure about my conclusion though...but i'm glad that the cup of sprite cheered you up when i asked if you wanted to drink...you were like so happy and stuff that even jas looked up to see what's going on.

maybe,it's just me...but i do really hope that you are genuine happy to drink that cup of sprite.just thinking of your expression again made my heart so warm..when will i truely be able to hold you in my arms and feel your warm?oh i wonder...to see you is like waiting for the good and sweet things to set in...every time i see you,it makes my heart warm :)

and i'm really tired now,so i better get going before i knock out from tireness and the anti itch tablet which the doc gave me to control the itch on my arms and legs...

lesson today was quite slack and boring...ecam practical was like pui...connect circuit,check reading then done...1 1/2 hour of 2 hr lesson.then lunch break for total 1 1/2 hour...after that was V.I...another super slack practical...cause i completed my assignments for this week during the last lesson...so spent 1 hour plus plus trying to clear the bloody spywares on my laptop which is making my comp lag like siao..then ended lesson at 3 then went to work.

work was also super slack...no customers till like 9 pm?sucks man...wonder how i spent the past 2 hours before it it 9...then we were so bored till we didn't have enough time to close up...though closing was quick,haha...we closed at 11:15pm so it wasn't really that bad..but sales today was really rock bottom...the most was like 400 plus?so it kina suck...

and you were like quite happy today..which makes me feel happy too,just seeing you laugh and smile. and the funny expressions that you made really lighten up my mood alot :D enjoyed the time spent with you around too,though i won't be seeing you again in the next few days..so till then,i'll wait till the time we meet again

ah...broke 2 glasses at work today...and cut my finger during the process of trying to save the glasses,good thing it was a minor cut on the skin which bled only a little.

didn't get to talk to you today..sadly...cause you were dusy when i came then it began to pour really hard..and chris asked you to share cab back with him...at least i got to say bye to you.the least i can do...and you seem quite tired these few days,hope that you can get some rest by going back early,feel like calling you now just to hear your voice...though i know you are probably sleeping by now...and i don't wish to disturb your rest.

so now i can only just wait till the next day when i'm working to see you i guess.thursday,the day i'm looking forward to...to seeing you and maybe have a little chat with you if possible...sigh...i'm really falling for you...and i can't help it...just want to be by your side when ever possible and to hold your hand...can't stop thinking about you...ah...i'm sleepy now but my mind is still full of you...your face,your eyes,your everything.

i'm cracking...tired...stressed up...drained...

ouch,a fatal car accident just occured near my home.a black subaru car skied off the road and went head-on with a tree...passenger/s were safe i think but sadly,the driver didn't make it.was in a cab home when i past by the accident,saw that the driver side was badly damaged and battered off so much so that the car had changed shape,or rather,the front had chaned shape.

watched the first ambulance drove off with the injured passenger/s but the second drove off empty,which was damn sad...cause it meant that there was no hope for the last victim who died...what a tragidy to have happened...

today,you didn't seem that interested to talk to me...but more of talking to ku...makes me kina sad..and the fact that you waited for ku to leave together really hit me hard in the heart...sigh...makes me wonder if you like ku...if that's the case,then i'm really gona be damn sad...cause ku is one of my close brothers whom i respect...

wanted to ask you to stay back today so that i can send you back in cab but you seemed quite tired so i decided not to...and i know that if you were to stay back,you would help out which will make you even more tired,though tonight there wasn't much customers...however,i think that by now,it should be obvious to you that i like you?just that i'm thinking you choose to avoid it...but i'm really getting jealous when it concerns you...

feel kina pathetic now...that you are there and yet i'm not making full use of my chances...just waiting and waiting...time passes by and hey,you left already...so many times it had occured...but i just can't seem to get the opportunity that i'm waiting for...i need a sign...to confirm that i have the geen light to go ahead and to pour out my feelings to you...yet it doesn't seem to come...so near yet so far,that's the situation i'm in right now...and i think i'm slowly being drawn further away...i must make up for the lost distance...or else,that's it...I.T.E for me-it's the end-

gona go sleep soon...but my mind is full of you right now...i want you in my life,not as a friend,but as someone whom i can love and care for,and a best friend who will be there for me.my wish for christmas will be for you to accept me and to give me a chance to love you.that's all i want.

finally...group buzz is over...just one more presentation to go.yes...
met up with sharon finally-the AIA insurance agent-and i took up a saving insurance which i still have to get my mom's consent before i go ahead with the payment for 2 months,though i paid for the first month liao.hopefully,everything will go smoothly,if not,then i will have to call off the contract.

went to work today,thought i was going to be late but hey,i reached work before 7pm.which is good,and i got to see you again this week :) had fun working with you today though it was rushing due to all the late crowd which came almost all at the same time...and the way you retaliate when chris made fun of you,i felt that it is just so cute,to use the fork to poke him on his back,together with your expression that is so cute to me.hope that we will be able to work together again some time.

and maybe the next time,only the two of us taking cab home?lol.cause chris changed his shift with boss so we have to share cab again...if not,then tonight would have been only the two of us taking cab together-sigh- though i realised that you would cramp yourself in the corner of the cab and face the window.but your one comment made me think again,when you were complaining about always being the last one to drop off.

if tonight had been just the two of us,i would surely have ask the cab driver drop you off at your place before i route back to my place,which i wouldn't mind paying the extra cab fee.wanted to hold your hand when we were in the cab but somehow,i still can't find the courage to do so...but i'm glad that you did turn to say bye when i was getting off. so sleep well for tonight and i'll see you tomorrow :D

tired...work was so slack it made me tired...and hungry...lol...tonight only had 4 tables during my shift man...so little sales today...so it kina suck big time...but at least i got to see you this week :) though you didn't stay back...which was a good thing,since you're having a headache...'d rather you go back and rest for the night.

told chris about how i feel and what i actually wanted to do but he disagreed about it...cause in the end my actions may turn out to be a waste of time and money,after thinking,i also agreed...but i wasn't really please when he said that he doubt you will like me...sian...so it's like back to square one...

zzz...anyway,was glad that at least someone knows about it.that's my first step i guess,to get to know you more is the next step that i want to take now.so,i must jia you!

you know...sometimes,life just doesn't go the way you want it to go.like the more i try to avoid you,the more i bump into you...feels that fate has somehow linked our lives together...for example,on thursday i went in through the back door but yet i still bump into you...then yesterday,when joseph couldn't make it to work cause he fell ill,boss called you to cover his shift..and i'm working at the same shift...

so no choice.i have to face you and help you when there's a need to,though,again...i tried not to talk to you,it felt like a cold war to me though i'm not sure about how you felt then,but you looked sad,as if it's because i didn't wanted to talk to you..maybe it's due to me being ill with flu and the medication that's screwing up my thinking that made me really sian when i saw you.

but,today felt so different,like i'm a new person...and somehow i was able to talk to you like normal though i tried not to be engaged in it too much.and i was able to walk to your shop to talk to you and ask about your sales for the day,just like before...so it's really fate,i believe, which is all in God's plan for my life,how it should twist and turn when need to.

overall,i'm feeling so much better now,compared to the past few days,with so much shit going on like the presentation(another one coming up this week),flu and some other school related stuff...even though ths coming week will be hell week for me too.

work,have to miss the rehearsal for the stage crew just to meet up for the coming presentation,and to meet up with the agent from AIA and some briefing for my third year elective module selection or attachments....cui...

err...freaking I.S module...screwing the shit out of each and everyone of us..zzz...a module where they squeeze everything into 7 short weeks with each week only 4 freaking hours of lesson...omg...really getting sick of meeting up every week just to do I.S, even my core modules aren't that stressful...

anyway,went back to work today after taking a break for 3 days..though i wasn't really ready to face you yet...tried to avoid passing by by going from the back door but,who knows...you were already there...being sick plus facing you really screwed me up...that's why i decided to read the newpaper instead of joining the rest in the discussion about the cakes and stuff...somehow didn't want to have much communication going around..

and it didn't help with the terrible weather up there...pouring rain and super cold wind blowing...just made me feel so much worse...when i appeared,mag and alvin could see straight away that i wasn't just sick...and there was something else...which of course i wouldn't say...cause it will just make everything worse...

the only thing i can do is to stop myself from trying too hard and to avoid as much communication with you as possible...that way,even though i may be bleeding on the inside,it will only be me...and no one else will have to suffer with me...like what all the rest always said,sacrifice ariel so that the rest can have a good laugh...oh what the hack,bring it on...

at such..i feel that it's better to keep my distance from you..now that it really seem impossible for anything to happen between us...sadly...my heart is crying out but n one can hear my heart's cry...sigh...

crap..i'm down with flu...sore throat,blocked nose,running nose and feverish...man...that sucks big time..can't eat any good food but congee...sigh...being sick reminded me of you too...that you too were sick on sunday...and i'm still wondering if you're well already...have'nt heard from you for a few days and it's really making me feel down...now that i'm ill too...

slept for most of the afternoon but woke up to eat my medication,which made me drowsy the whole day...still feel like sleeping...and i have alot of deadlines due this week,thursday and friday especially...V.I assignments on thursday and the I.S.P on friday...both of which comprises of alot of work done...V.I has alot of calculation and programming to be done.I.S.P has alot of presentation and research to be done...

the worse part is i'm ill so won't be able to consentrate i guess...especially with a bad running nose which is like blocked half the time...sian...so much work to be done...but my body is being invaded by the virus and being forced to shut off the main working system...yet my mind is switched to thinking of you...really feel like a load of rubbish now...better go rest soon...

went to school early in the morning today,though i wasn't feeling well...and i'm glad i did,if not,i'd proberbly have went to the doctor and "nua" at home till afternoon lesson at 1pm...and God knows what i'll be doing..at least in school,i'm being distracted and kept somewhat busy so that i don't think of you too much...

even though i know that when my mind is drifting around,you will always appear in my thoughts...try as i might...it's just not possible for me to give up...sigh...

i said that i wanted to give up...and i tried to...but when i heard that you were ill today,i just couldn't help myself but feel concern about you...though yet again,you didn't reply any of my mseeages...sigh...

just when i thought of giving up...the news from boss made me kind of hold back...now i'm really torn between giving up or continuing...why...why must it be like this?i just don't get it...everytime i try,the shield bounced me back,then when i want to stop trying,some pros and cons will make me try again...and in the end,i'll still get bounced back...

i really don't know how to go on now,how to carry on at this cross junction...to go straight?or left?or right?someone please tell me what to do now...i just want to stand in the middle of the crossroad now and wait for some car to come hit me head on...maybe then i'll wake up and all will be fine...if fine is the word to use...

i had enough...no matter how i tried,the results are the same...you just shunt away from me...i totally drained...no more trying anymore...i'm gona declare myself: I GIVE UP!!! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

i'm totally turned off already...it's like trying to break a rock into pieces by hitting it against an egg...and i'm the egg...so it's me crushing down right now...there's no point in me using up my efforts on someone who doesn't seem to care...it's just not worth it...i had enough...seriously...

feeling so cui now...just seeing that blue benko in the bag makes me feel low...cause you didn't want it...you said you don't like it..sigh...somemore i chose a blue one cause you like blue,and the expression of it kind of remind me of you,when you stick out your tongue.which i thought was cute...but then,you don't like it...so there's no point in it anymore...

or was it because he was around?if that's the case,i'll be even more devastated...really can't stop thinking about it...how you took it out,looked at it..then put it back into the plastic bag..the worse part was when you left without taking it,then when i asked you,you took the plastic bag,folded it nicely and passed it back to me...that really broke my heart...

and through out the rest of the night i was super sian...so sian even alvin noticed something was wrong...haiz...why must it be like this?i still don't understand...i tried being nice to you,but you kept shunting from me...it's really becoming hard for me to keep on going...but i want to,if only you are willing to let me in just a little bit...

i'm just sooooooo tired now...really really really gona break down soon....unless i see a ray of light at the end of the tunnel...i'll continue my path down the tunnel till there's light at the end...where i'll be able to smile again...

today,i was quite surprised when you called in the morning,though i was feeling warm and happy on the inside :D it was nice to hear your voice in the morning,even though it was kind of loud and piercing when you greeted me.lol. then i realised that i wrote the wrong numbers on my accounts...omg...i wrote down my card number instead...somebody slap me...

anyway,today was a good day i'd say...for me,maybe except when i found our that i stupidly wrote the wrong stuff on my pay check..now thinking of it,i feel super dumb about it...but i'm abit worried if the check can't go through...though my bro said that it shold still be able to since it was entitled to me.and that i had my contact and I/C written on it,so even if there's some problem,i should recieve a call from them soon.pray that everything is ok.

school was ok,had fun playing with the console ports on the routers and computers and owning my friends in dota.lol.wahahaha...tomorrow will be a tiring day,5 hours of pratical in all and then work.zzz...sure cui one,then friday got to go down town do some stupid social psycology experiments...total rubbish if you ask me.but no choice,we have to do what we have to do...so,just get it over and done with.

gona dota now...chao people.