i have come to a conclusion...and that is everytime when i want to let go and move on...you will always somehow on the dot call or msg me right on time to let me know your status....and i will always fall right back into the "trap"...i know that you don't mean any harm or anything...but...it seem that way...

today was a good example...just when i was gona blog about wanting to move on and stop these on-off kinda relationship with you...you called...telling me of your day at attachment and what you're gona do during attachment the next few days...somehow i'll feel the need to care for you again...

then when i do care and show my concern...you will somehow brush it off and take me for granted again in someways which i kinda mind and don't mind at the same time...after which i'll feel the need to be there for you everytime...and again when i do...things get bad again...and i feel like doing stupid things again...like what i did today...calling you off in my sms...

i feel that somehow you are the one who doesn't want to let go of me...or rather set me free...like i'm a little bird trapped in your cage...trying to break free...then when i managed to open the cage door slightly...you'll step in to ensure that the door doesn't open for me...it's kinda becoming a routine for the past 1 month...

i'm kinda at a loss for words now...like i don't really know where i stand...though we're like closer than friends but not couple...i feel so trapped...i know you're feeling trapped too...but you just don't show it...to set you free would be to set myself free too...so i just need the right answer from you and i'll know what to do...hopefully..

unless...you don't want any changes...then i can't do anything...cause changes will always affect both of us...in one way or another...i'm trying to maintain but it's hard...with all the load getting heavier as time ticks by...hopefully you can balance things out so that things will settle down...

don wana make things worse so i'll end it here...if you do read this i hope you wouldn't get upset with this post...cause its just how i'm feeling right now at this point when i type it out...well...got to go...it's 1:50am and i haven't have enough sleep for the past few days...