i guess i'm finally waking up...from all the wake up calls people have been throwing at me the past few weeks...i guess...it's really time to wake up from my dream land and look at reality...and so i'm taking my first step today...

took the step to clear up my confusion about cole's actions the past few weeks with her...about whether she's doing all for the sake of just doing or there's feelings in them...and i got my answer straight and clear...so i guess i shall leave it as that..

and i guess it's also the best for me...i won't say it's best for her but it just has to be...if not...at the end of the day i'm the one who suffers the most...and i guess it's like all these while i've been complying to her needs and stuff...even tho people may think that i'm the one who needed her more...

true...in the beginning i did need more...but the past few day's kinda been slapping me hard in the face and i guess i kinda felt that i don't really want these things now...even though i still comply to them...i don't want to pull out too fast that her support just disappear in the blink of an eye...

i guess i'm slowly letting things go and i feel that she can see it in someways...especially if you are reading it now..."nicole, just wana say thank you for being there for me all these while...and that i enjoyed the time spent with you even when we're not doing anything but just in each other's company..thank you nicole for the 4 months together..."

"don't worry about me too much...i won't do anything silly..and please take care of your own well being when i'm not around...don't do things without thinking first and remember i'm always a call away...even if you can't get to me..you know where to find me if you need me, i'm hoping that someday, you'll find someone who can look after you well and lead a happy life from there on...for now i just pray that you can take care of yourself and be strong..

P.S. i will always love you"

ok...sorry for the grandfather speech...yea...this week is gona be super tiring for me i guess..especially since i don't have enough sleep and still have alot of things to do...work, then have to go back to school once more...and maple story..lol..

i guess i'm somewhat preparing myself to move on from where i got stuck...it's not much of any movement yet but i'm moving on slowly...i don't know what cole will think or how she might react when she read this post but yea...

i guess it's time to move on with life in some way...i feel that i'm slowly fading away in some way too...like my presence doesn't really matter anymore...which kinda makes me feel in between comforted and stuck...comforted such that at least i know that my presence doesn't affect people anymore and stuck such that i dono whether its a good thing or not..

to me...i jsut want to live life my style now and not care about what others may think or react...and i don't want anymore 2 cent's worth to influence my thinking or what i should be or not doing...it's my life...get that fact right people...sorry if i offended anyone but yea..

"cole...if you do get to read this post...let me know how you feel kay? don't keep me in suspend or just brush this post off...cause i know that this post definitely has some form of effect to you..you might not say it out but i can tell...so even if you don't tell me u noe that i'll be able to figure it out too..so do let me noe about your feelings..

i don't wana bombard you with so many things especially when your exam is right around the corner like this week...let me noe you're ok..if you need to talk about this issue let me noe too..just drop me a msg..good bye nicole..."

gona go shower then grab a bite hungry and sleepy too...ciao people...who ever does read my post...