after one night's sleep...i guess i'm feeling much better...though my fucking brain's still kinda clogged up...i guess the only thing i can do is to just get on with my fucking life...a life which i don't think is really worth living for anyway...unless i can find comfort in something here on earth...or someone else...but i don't think i'll ever be able to find someone like you...someone that i will give my heart to...ever again...

my defensive wall has been set up after last night i guess...don't think i will fucking open up much to people anymore...it's gona be hard...and i guess i do know now how you feel...how you don want to open up to fuckers who kept asking you stuffs...maybe i'm just one of them to you right now...and i am in no position to question your actions anyway...

i'll just let you do whatever fuck you want from now on...cause there's nothing i can do for you anyway...not a single fuck...but when you need me, and if i can, i'll put down what ever i'm doing to be there for you...that's the most i can do for you...for now...till you find someone who's capable of looking after you...then only i'll be able to leave you in their hands..

for now i'll just sit there and listen...absorb like a sponge...maybe one day...i'll blow up..but it doesn't matter anymore...i'm happy just to be your sponge...to listen to you rant everything out to me...and maybe for me to add in my two cent's worth into your life...maybe years later...when you've finally sort out your thoughts...we can go together again..who knows?only one person will know...

maybe its just his way to show me that the earthly things will never be forever?i don't know...and frankly speaking...i don't really give a fuck about it...not now at least...sorry if i offend anyone but yea...that's how i feel right now...let things be for now.don't bother to topple the scale and make things worse...for now you will be my friend...

close friend? i don't think that's what you want...good friend? maybe...but i don't know...friend? yea...thats what i feel now...and that's what i think you want now...so cool..we're friends...nothing more nothing less..

till you sort out everything single things you want in life...i wont ask to be closer than what you want...cause in the end you'll just do if for my sake...to entertain me...and it's not something i want...since it won't be coming our from our heart...then don't bother..enough said...

hows things are gona go from now...i'll let the wind blow...where ever the wind goes...i'll flow with the wind...let nature take it's course u'd say?maybe...i don't know...i'll just sit back and enjoy my ride in the wind now...probably people in church will see me less...but i don't care, to say the truth...probably i'll be working more these few months just to get my fucking screwed head off from thinking about stuff..

it's kinda good remedy...to work my ass off and earn some money to last me through NS and extra expenses...anyway...enough talk..gona go slack..maybe go home?yea...i guess so...go home and rest..