i realised...i've never really felt happy the past week...though i joked and crap about as usual...i wasn't happy...the surface was happy but not the inside...the inside was rotting away...slowly being eaten up and engulfed by the monstrous me...

don't think i'll ever be the same old me again...i might look the same,sound the same,do the same things...but some how...it's just not me anymore...the old me seemed to have disappeared along the road...and the other me seem to be coming out more and more...the monstrous side of me...

i'm starting to hate alot of things...people...some of whom are my friends...and i kind of loathes going for cell and service again...happening again...the last time it happened...i didn't appear for like 2 to 3 months at all...then i started appearing again...though i leave half-way through services at times...

bleh...if it's gona happen again...think it'll take longer to get everything right again...as for now...going for a walk at northpoint...