hmmm...feeling somewhat weird today...don't really feel the need to think of you or even see you...feels so strange about it...before the camp,i'd always look for excuse to appear near you but now,after the camp...there seem to be no need for that...

am i losing the feelings i have for you?it seem so that way...like i'm the flame of a burning candle...sometimes small and sometimes burning with pride...it seems that after the camp which moved my heart,the candle is burning out...and the flame is dying down...do i really like you?or was i really looking for something else to replace the emptiness in my heart?

since she came back,my eyes seem to be fixed on her whenever possible...but then,you will appear in my thoughts whenever that happens...and now i'm really confused and lose as to what am i really looking for?love?or was i too desperate for some company?

the camp taught me so much about love,God's love for us.how wide and deep is His love that we,will never be able to understand His love till we meet Jesus again.thinking and recollecting the sharing by pastor jenni really seem to shake these "love" feeling inside my heart...love is not about feelings,it was never once mentioned about how we feel about love but to just do it.love the people ariund us.

it so mavelous,how love is described not as a feeling but as actions of concern for the people around us,so now,thinking back,i realised that i do not know the true meaning of love and what it really is...feel that i do not have the right to say i love you to anyone right now,till at least,i'm able to comprehand just one small part of what love really is-to love thy neighbour as yourself.

christmas is coming,and maybe through this christmas,i'll know how to love once again,the love for the people around me which once left my heart so long ago...leaving behind just a selfish love...a selfish love to love me,myself and i...the Lord is my shepherd and my shield,He will look after my needs that no one else will be able to provide for He is my provider,my all in all.

looking forward to a great cell christmas party this friday evening and i hope that many people will be blessed by the party.also looking forward to the cafe party at liquids 1 on sunday night,though it's gona be so messy again with smoking,drinking,dancing going on all at once.hope that everyone there will have fun and not be so drunk.

lastly,hope that this coming christmas will be a different christmas for me,a powerful christmas which will shake my life upside down and change my harden heart.i pray that this coming christmas and the coming new year will be a blessing to each and everyone of my family,friends and relatives out there and the coming new year will be a new beginning for us all including me.