decided that its time to end this blog here and now...since i haven't been updating and all...there's really no point in it...this shall be the very last post anyone see here...i might probably start another one when time permits but heck...it'll probably take donkey years so oh well...

signing off for the very last time now...

Toh Weisheng Ariel

i've officially been posted to chong pang camp at a sotre man...wow and it's a stay out job meaning i get to go home everyday! sounds cool right? but whats e catch u'd ask? my store is in lim chu kang camp...wtf...that means i have to wake up extra early to go there everyday starting next week i think...and i book out at 1745 with the technicians there...which means i'll reach home at around 8pm everyday...zzz...

anyway i'm also quite suay i think...just the first day of my posting and the whole of my unit is having auditing...omg....so much paper work to do...only good thing is i'm new so i know nuts about anything and all i do is help them when they ask me to do stuff for them..either than that even if i screw up they can't really blame me cos i'm new to the system and all there...

juut got home gona have me dinner then go take me bath...after tat slack :) think i'll go to chong pang for breakfast before i report for WORK i repeat WORK!!lol...k...gtg le..chaoz...

whoot---i'm officially an O.O.T or what we as O.O.T calls it officers on training...lol but get the fact right people,we're not officers mind you...we're a group of clowns who signed the form given by the medical officers to pull us out of training for this period..lol...now just waiting for our vocation out to a new unit...and i'm still awaiting my appointment to the specialist coming friday to see what the heck is wrong with my right leg.. thats all for now...i'll be back to post more when the results are out..

Nania...a vry good movie if u ask me...a 5 out of 5 movie :)

watched nania with coley today at cathay causeway..e only hiccup was e 2 stupid girls who sat infront of us and they came in late...like in e middle of the movie then keep blocking our view with their big fat heads...pui...had to ask them to sit back and lie low just so they wouldnt block our view...but time and time again they have to sit up right as if their back were tied to a scrubbing board us for washing clothes...

anyway enjoyed the movie with coley :) enjoyed her company too for the day :) thank you coley, for watching nania with me if you're reading this post :)i'm glad that overall the day was good and we didnt end up quarreling like we used to..tho we did have some silence moment from time to time...its all good memories for me :) the last few outing with coley before i enlist into ns on 5th june..

wana store all our wonderful memories and times together in my mind so that at least when i'm in ns, if i miss her i can remember our good and bad times together...hopefully i'll be able to be a better man when i come out from ns...not e jerk i uued to be and still am...hopping that when i come out after 2 years things might go smooth for us...if it ever will happen...

u guys might laugh at me saying i'm stupid or anything but this is how i handle things..the future is still unknown so i'll just wish for the best..even if we don get back together in the end...i still wish the best for coley and her future...be it i'm inside or not...if u truly loved someone...set them free if they're not meant to be urs...so during these 2 years i hope i'll find the answer to everything and maybe by then i'll learn to let her go fully...

anyway big bro's wedding in 2 days...and its covering all the anxiety for ns cos i'm the best man ^^ lol...gona be standing with my bro on e isle while the bride marches in and gona be the ring bearer...whooo....first 3rd wedding where i'm involved in 2 year...wow...first was jen's wedding last feb followed by alvin's in may or june...now its my bro's in 2 days cool aint it..lol..first wedding was one of the brothers..second couldnt make it cos i got exam but made it for dinner and yam seng..lol..now i'm fully involved like from morning till night wow...

lol...power..haha...ohoh...hopefully i can spend some short time with coley after the church wedding ceremony during the receptions..lol...cant wait to see what you're gona be wearing on sat coley :) wana take pics with you too :) if i have e time..lol...gona be super packed and busy tho..shall wait and see :) lol..

wow...its 1 am i better get some rest so that i can wake up in time in the morning to lvl up my bandit to lvl 80 lol...ciao ppl :) cya soon coley :) *hugs*

back to add a little more to this site...

made e stupidest mistake in my whole life on sunday...kinda screwed everything up badly...but thank god things are not as bad as it deem...it could have been worse...anyway its over so lets move on with life...

things are kinda still rocky for me at the moment...like i can really get so worked out and depressed that i wana do more stupid things at the moment of sadness...which will in turn make things worse...i feel that my whole life had been a wrong life...

the things that i do and say...like how the hell did i even end up in the state?cultured since young?i don think so...cause who in their right mind will corrupt their child and bring them up in such a way?maybe things happened to me when i was younger and i didnt know cause i'm young and innocent?i have no idea even till now...anyway...i'm already like this...

hopefully some where down the road i might meet someone who can change my way of life and bring me back to the main road...i've been off course for as long as i can remember...hopefully...theres this special someone...if not then i'll just live life as it is right now...

23 more days of freedom left before i'm called upon on government service as a nsf for the next 2 years of my life...hopefully during this 2 years...things will get better...for me and for coley too...cos i still wish that she can find someone who can take care of her for life...oh well...shall not broth about it so much...i'm just making myself more miserable...

moving on...been spending money like drinking water these few months...and i dono why...like i just want to spend away all the money i have at hand....even the $100 advance pay i took on sunday is down to 10 bucks now...like so pathetic...i need to control my expenditures...before i'm left with nothing...bleah...

oh well gona get some rest now...been a terribly long and tiring day considering i didnt have enough rest from last night's sleep too...another long day ahead...better gear my body up before going for war...chao...

decided to write some stuff here...

its been quite awhile since i lasted blogged...anyway...i'm still alive if any of u out there still care..things haven been goin all that well since things didn't work out but yea...still surviving...somehow and somewhat...though i still hope for the impossible i think...

wonder if i will be able to survive NS...i know i'm gona miss someone dear load...but there's nothing i can do about it...N.S is an order directed straight from the singapore government...and if i refuse...its either jail term or i migrate...which i wont mind getting out of singapore for a change...but it means losing everything i have here and starting life anew elsewhere...

somehow i wish that i can be more positive but its kinda hard...things still haven been really settled yet and its making me feel more sad with each passing day and the nearing of enlistment...though i know that her family is more important...i still wish for her company...and she has school too...so its kinda hard for her to make time for me...

i just wish things had been different...it would have been so much better...though theres no point crying over spilled milk...sigh...and having people around me pushing me so hard to let go and stuff...its really weighing me down alot...so much burden to bare...but no space to unload them all...

if this goes on any longer...i think by the time i enlist...i might have become so unstable that they have to send in a psychiatrist to review me and stuff...if it really happen...i guess i'll be some what glad...though it would mean that i'm really mentally unstable...i feel that i'm already suffering from clinical depression like the early stage...maybe i should go for a check up or something...i dono...

hopefully not...cause lately i've been feeling more depressed and down easily...like sometimes i can just go silent suddenly and people around me starts wondering if i'm ok or not...then i'll have to cheer myself up just to ensure them i'm ok..which is not really the case...cause i'm really not ok...though i know they mean well...but bleah...sometimes i just wish they will leave me alone...

oh well...i know i'm being an idiot at some point...but i just cant let go...cant let any more horrible thing happen to her again...theres this sense of protection i wan to give to her...and to myself...so i dono...what do i really wan...sigh...

anyway...iron man is indeed a must watch movie...though the story line in e beginning is kinda draggy and theres not much of any iron man action except for a few scenes...but yea...good movie...glad i watched it with her...hopefully can catch another movie with her soon..see how i guess..k think i'll stop here...gona go sleep soon...

split shift duty morning and evening tml...and i'm gona maple before going to work so betetr catch up wif my sleep...tata

one day you're here...the next you're gone...thats how short one's life is...

just received news that one cousin of mine had passed on...due to several illnesses he had which was kept unknown to us...water retention in the lungs,tuberculosis and heart attack...cause of death was heart attack...so i heard from my mom...

the last time i saw him was the previous chinese new year at my aunt's place...slightly more than a year and he's already passed on...how unpredictable life is...only till now then i know the reason why we didn't see him this new year...

due to his illness, he didn't wanted the big family to see him in that state...all skin and bone...and ill...sigh...friday would be the funeral i think...and i would like to go...to pay my last respect to him at least...somehow there's this sense of respect for him in me...a respect i don't normally give to people...

a respect that only people who truly deserves it deserves it and i know he deserves it...i can't say much more for i really don't know what to say about this but...yea...i really want to pay my cousin the last respect before the funeral...