you seemed so sian today...and you didn't even talked to me...it feels like you are ignoring me...though you spoke to the rest,you never really spoke to me.so i'm still hanging around like some homeless spirit drifting around...

spent some time thinking about yesterday,about how come you always laugh when they mention xiao ming..or even the way you talk to the rest and how you will react compared to when talking to me...as the details fills in...the puzzle seem to be reviewing a picture that doesn't include me in it...i don't know...your thoughts,your actions,your words ...they all seem to imply something else now...and it's really affecting me...

really don't know how to deal with it any longer...i'm really mentally drained by this...can't seem to think anymore...really really tired...not to mention the stresses the rest are adding in...like pouring oil into a burning furnace...and increasing the amount of heat and fire...i want out of this...but i cant bare to let go...