Me...Just Me...

2008-08-11T22:07:00.002+08:00

decided that its time to end this blog here and now...since i haven't been updating and all...there's really no point in it...this shall be the very last post anyone see here...i might probably start another one when time permits but heck...it'll probably take donkey years so oh well...

signing off for the very last time now...

Toh Weisheng Ariel

2008-07-30T18:31:00.002+08:00

i've officially been posted to chong pang camp at a sotre man...wow and it's a stay out job meaning i get to go home everyday! sounds cool right? but whats e catch u'd ask? my store is in lim chu kang camp...wtf...that means i have to wake up extra early to go there everyday starting next week i think...and i book out at 1745 with the technicians there...which means i'll reach home at around 8pm everyday...zzz...

anyway i'm also quite suay i think...just the first day of my posting and the whole of my unit is having auditing...omg....so much paper work to do...only good thing is i'm new so i know nuts about anything and all i do is help them when they ask me to do stuff for them..either than that even if i screw up they can't really blame me cos i'm new to the system and all there...

juut got home gona have me dinner then go take me bath...after tat slack :) think i'll go to chong pang for breakfast before i report for WORK i repeat WORK!!lol...k...gtg le..chaoz...

2008-07-26T10:58:00.002+08:00

whoot---i'm officially an O.O.T or what we as O.O.T calls it officers on training...lol but get the fact right people,we're not officers mind you...we're a group of clowns who signed the form given by the medical officers to pull us out of training for this period..lol...now just waiting for our vocation out to a new unit...and i'm still awaiting my appointment to the specialist coming friday to see what the heck is wrong with my right leg.. thats all for now...i'll be back to post more when the results are out..

2008-05-30T00:48:00.002+08:00

Nania...a vry good movie if u ask me...a 5 out of 5 movie :)

watched nania with coley today at cathay causeway..e only hiccup was e 2 stupid girls who sat infront of us and they came in late...like in e middle of the movie then keep blocking our view with their big fat heads...pui...had to ask them to sit back and lie low just so they wouldnt block our view...but time and time again they have to sit up right as if their back were tied to a scrubbing board us for washing clothes...

anyway enjoyed the movie with coley :) enjoyed her company too for the day :) thank you coley, for watching nania with me if you're reading this post :)i'm glad that overall the day was good and we didnt end up quarreling like we used to..tho we did have some silence moment from time to time...its all good memories for me :) the last few outing with coley before i enlist into ns on 5th june..

wana store all our wonderful memories and times together in my mind so that at least when i'm in ns, if i miss her i can remember our good and bad times together...hopefully i'll be able to be a better man when i come out from ns...not e jerk i uued to be and still am...hopping that when i come out after 2 years things might go smooth for us...if it ever will happen...

u guys might laugh at me saying i'm stupid or anything but this is how i handle things..the future is still unknown so i'll just wish for the best..even if we don get back together in the end...i still wish the best for coley and her future...be it i'm inside or not...if u truly loved someone...set them free if they're not meant to be urs...so during these 2 years i hope i'll find the answer to everything and maybe by then i'll learn to let her go fully...

anyway big bro's wedding in 2 days...and its covering all the anxiety for ns cos i'm the best man ^^ lol...gona be standing with my bro on e isle while the bride marches in and gona be the ring bearer...whooo....first 3rd wedding where i'm involved in 2 year...wow...first was jen's wedding last feb followed by alvin's in may or june...now its my bro's in 2 days cool aint it..lol..first wedding was one of the brothers..second couldnt make it cos i got exam but made it for dinner and yam seng..lol..now i'm fully involved like from morning till night wow...

lol...power..haha...ohoh...hopefully i can spend some short time with coley after the church wedding ceremony during the receptions..lol...cant wait to see what you're gona be wearing on sat coley :) wana take pics with you too :) if i have e time..lol...gona be super packed and busy tho..shall wait and see :) lol..

wow...its 1 am i better get some rest so that i can wake up in time in the morning to lvl up my bandit to lvl 80 lol...ciao ppl :) cya soon coley :) *hugs*

2008-05-14T00:04:00.002+08:00

back to add a little more to this site...

made e stupidest mistake in my whole life on sunday...kinda screwed everything up badly...but thank god things are not as bad as it deem...it could have been worse...anyway its over so lets move on with life...

things are kinda still rocky for me at the moment...like i can really get so worked out and depressed that i wana do more stupid things at the moment of sadness...which will in turn make things worse...i feel that my whole life had been a wrong life...

the things that i do and say...like how the hell did i even end up in the state?cultured since young?i don think so...cause who in their right mind will corrupt their child and bring them up in such a way?maybe things happened to me when i was younger and i didnt know cause i'm young and innocent?i have no idea even till now...anyway...i'm already like this...

hopefully some where down the road i might meet someone who can change my way of life and bring me back to the main road...i've been off course for as long as i can remember...hopefully...theres this special someone...if not then i'll just live life as it is right now...

23 more days of freedom left before i'm called upon on government service as a nsf for the next 2 years of my life...hopefully during this 2 years...things will get better...for me and for coley too...cos i still wish that she can find someone who can take care of her for life...oh well...shall not broth about it so much...i'm just making myself more miserable...

moving on...been spending money like drinking water these few months...and i dono why...like i just want to spend away all the money i have at hand....even the $100 advance pay i took on sunday is down to 10 bucks now...like so pathetic...i need to control my expenditures...before i'm left with nothing...bleah...

oh well gona get some rest now...been a terribly long and tiring day considering i didnt have enough rest from last night's sleep too...another long day ahead...better gear my body up before going for war...chao...

2008-05-09T01:07:00.002+08:00

decided to write some stuff here...

its been quite awhile since i lasted blogged...anyway...i'm still alive if any of u out there still care..things haven been goin all that well since things didn't work out but yea...still surviving...somehow and somewhat...though i still hope for the impossible i think...

wonder if i will be able to survive NS...i know i'm gona miss someone dear load...but there's nothing i can do about it...N.S is an order directed straight from the singapore government...and if i refuse...its either jail term or i migrate...which i wont mind getting out of singapore for a change...but it means losing everything i have here and starting life anew elsewhere...

somehow i wish that i can be more positive but its kinda hard...things still haven been really settled yet and its making me feel more sad with each passing day and the nearing of enlistment...though i know that her family is more important...i still wish for her company...and she has school too...so its kinda hard for her to make time for me...

i just wish things had been different...it would have been so much better...though theres no point crying over spilled milk...sigh...and having people around me pushing me so hard to let go and stuff...its really weighing me down alot...so much burden to bare...but no space to unload them all...

if this goes on any longer...i think by the time i enlist...i might have become so unstable that they have to send in a psychiatrist to review me and stuff...if it really happen...i guess i'll be some what glad...though it would mean that i'm really mentally unstable...i feel that i'm already suffering from clinical depression like the early stage...maybe i should go for a check up or something...i dono...

hopefully not...cause lately i've been feeling more depressed and down easily...like sometimes i can just go silent suddenly and people around me starts wondering if i'm ok or not...then i'll have to cheer myself up just to ensure them i'm ok..which is not really the case...cause i'm really not ok...though i know they mean well...but bleah...sometimes i just wish they will leave me alone...

oh well...i know i'm being an idiot at some point...but i just cant let go...cant let any more horrible thing happen to her again...theres this sense of protection i wan to give to her...and to myself...so i dono...what do i really wan...sigh...

anyway...iron man is indeed a must watch movie...though the story line in e beginning is kinda draggy and theres not much of any iron man action except for a few scenes...but yea...good movie...glad i watched it with her...hopefully can catch another movie with her soon..see how i guess..k think i'll stop here...gona go sleep soon...

split shift duty morning and evening tml...and i'm gona maple before going to work so betetr catch up wif my sleep...tata

LIFE's LIKE TAT...

2008-04-22T00:14:00.002+08:00

one day you're here...the next you're gone...thats how short one's life is...

just received news that one cousin of mine had passed on...due to several illnesses he had which was kept unknown to us...water retention in the lungs,tuberculosis and heart attack...cause of death was heart attack...so i heard from my mom...

the last time i saw him was the previous chinese new year at my aunt's place...slightly more than a year and he's already passed on...how unpredictable life is...only till now then i know the reason why we didn't see him this new year...

due to his illness, he didn't wanted the big family to see him in that state...all skin and bone...and ill...sigh...friday would be the funeral i think...and i would like to go...to pay my last respect to him at least...somehow there's this sense of respect for him in me...a respect i don't normally give to people...

a respect that only people who truly deserves it deserves it and i know he deserves it...i can't say much more for i really don't know what to say about this but...yea...i really want to pay my cousin the last respect before the funeral...

2008-04-18T00:30:00.002+08:00

and so...my last days of freedom starting today...is officially 7weeks before i'm kick into NS...oh well...that's e way it has to be...i guess this remaining freedom have to be spent carefully..to spend time with my family and people i hold precious in my heart...

and i guess you readers should know who...if there is even any reading my blog...though i doubt i'll have much time left to spend with that special someone...especially with her schooling which have already started...i guess i'm only left with 7 weeks to watch over her...sigh...whats meant to be will be...whats not meant to be wont be...thats all i can say...so i'll just leave at that...

2008-04-14T01:29:00.002+08:00

past few days had been tiring...didnt sleep on thursday night at all...was playing maple story from 2am till 6am before i knocked out at 7am on friday morning...slept till 9:30am to wake up for work...

after work dropped by cole's place with brownies and oreo cheese cake...slacked with her family infront of the tv till almost 7pm...almost fell asleep too so decided to leave...went back to the cafe for some sleep while waiting....went supper at china town for frog porridge lol...after that colleague dropped me off at home...abt 2am...zzz...

saturday morning also had to wake up early for work...then had cell...dinner at church coffee shop then sent cole home before dropping by cafe again..helped with closing then mahjonged till almost 2am again...slept like a dead pig till almost 11am...had to rush to meet cole but after alot of tuing here and there by her...ended up meeting her at about 2pm...

went town for a walk then sent her home before i knocked out at home myself...slept from about 7pm till like almost 11...so now i'm awake...gona go sleep soon cause i have to wake up early to sent cole to school...for her first day in second year...yea...gona log out soon...chao...

2008-04-10T03:20:00.002+08:00

sian...bloody computer doing update auto restart when i'm using my acash to search for items in maple...pui...wasted my money...didnt even got to see what room and channel e item i wan is in then restart..kao...urgh...fuck the stupid computer...some more not just 1 update but hell lot of them...bloody hp com...kns...
super tulan now...bloody hp online registration also cock up...wtf man...pui...i not gona do anything now...doing things now will only make me more tulan with hp computer...knn...URGH!!!

and the bloody weather is also getting on my nerves...like wat the heck...the past few days raining like mad then today never rain but so fucking humid man...so humid that my feet and palms are perspiring like mad even tho my fan is on full blast...shhh...what a bloody night for me....almost everything that can go wrong went wrong...even typing on the keyboard...think i'll just go lie down and sleep but i cant fucking sleep...

my body alarm has already changed so much due to all my late nights out...feeling tired but my mind is still
awake...zzz...kns...sorry people who does read my blog but its just how i'm feeling right now...zzz....kns...i think i should go get some drink to calm down then go to bed...yea...thats what i'm gona do i guess...

2008-04-07T02:04:00.002+08:00

its 2am in the morning...not as awake as last night but still somewhat awake nevertheless...seems like e habit of late night sleeping is being embedded into my body system...hopefully i can wake up in time to go collect my report then head over to cole's place...seems to me that she doesnt want to over anymore...like everytime i meet her its at bishan mrt...everytime she just doesnt want to be at her place...dono why but yea...

seems like i'm no longer welcomed at her place or something i dono...but its her home so its up to her to open it to me...my place will always be open for her to pop by to slack anytime tho...anyway...still feeling horrible inside in some ways...like things are getting more complicated by the moment...and i'm getting more trapped though there's this saying in chinese...拿得起，放得下。
meaning to be able to pick up and to let go...i'm trying my best here but its hard..

especially when cole's kinda my first relationship...zzz...sigh...never really thought that things would have turned out this way...but it did...and i definitely wasnt ready for the big tight slap right in my face...which really came...literally...sigh...oh well...life still goes on whether i like it or not...

hopping for the best now...that things will settle down soon and we can go back to being friends...if that is the word to be used...cause i really have no idea where i stand in her heart now...anyway...enough of the negative thoughts...better get some sleep soon less i look horrible when i wake up...like the past few days...my panda eyes are really obvious now...bleah...

ciao...

2008-04-06T04:20:00.002+08:00

omg...i cant get to sleep...and its 4:20am in the morning...second time in a roll...couldn't sleep on thursday night either...then on friday night total knock out...slept early and woke up freaking late...shit man...if this goes on my schedule will all be screwed man...shhh...

anyway just to home not too long ago from cafe...they had another mah jong session till almost 4...bleah...didnt play at all..cause i only wanted to go down to slack...who noes they've already had plans for mah jong...so i lvled up my maple character and helped cole lvl up to 30 for her job change...hopefully she'll be happy with it..

not sure what i'm gona do but probably just serve e net till my eyes are tired...then go to sleep...hopefully i'll be able to wake up in time to send cole to her attachment if she wants or for work..lol...i just need to get up and make sure i'm not late for anything..lol...gona go do my stuff now...

2008-04-02T01:35:00.002+08:00

i have come to a conclusion...and that is everytime when i want to let go and move on...you will always somehow on the dot call or msg me right on time to let me know your status....and i will always fall right back into the "trap"...i know that you don't mean any harm or anything...but...it seem that way...

today was a good example...just when i was gona blog about wanting to move on and stop these on-off kinda relationship with you...you called...telling me of your day at attachment and what you're gona do during attachment the next few days...somehow i'll feel the need to care for you again...

then when i do care and show my concern...you will somehow brush it off and take me for granted again in someways which i kinda mind and don't mind at the same time...after which i'll feel the need to be there for you everytime...and again when i do...things get bad again...and i feel like doing stupid things again...like what i did today...calling you off in my sms...

i feel that somehow you are the one who doesn't want to let go of me...or rather set me free...like i'm a little bird trapped in your cage...trying to break free...then when i managed to open the cage door slightly...you'll step in to ensure that the door doesn't open for me...it's kinda becoming a routine for the past 1 month...

i'm kinda at a loss for words now...like i don't really know where i stand...though we're like closer than friends but not couple...i feel so trapped...i know you're feeling trapped too...but you just don't show it...to set you free would be to set myself free too...so i just need the right answer from you and i'll know what to do...hopefully..

unless...you don't want any changes...then i can't do anything...cause changes will always affect both of us...in one way or another...i'm trying to maintain but it's hard...with all the load getting heavier as time ticks by...hopefully you can balance things out so that things will settle down...

don wana make things worse so i'll end it here...if you do read this i hope you wouldn't get upset with this post...cause its just how i'm feeling right now at this point when i type it out...well...got to go...it's 1:50am and i haven't have enough sleep for the past few days...

2008-03-30T01:28:00.002+08:00

feeling vry gone and wasted...is thee anything i can do to help it?or rather...help myself?no idea...running away seems to be the best way but the problem will always be there...

fuck...i'm feeling totally shitty again...so many fucking things in my fucking mind once again...and it's all my own bloody fault...the things that i do...the thoughts i'm having...i'm yet again...torn between so many things...to stop or to continue...want to stop but still am continuing...shit...

to move on or to stay put...stuck again between both...i'd rather not choose either at this moment...cause i'll just screw things up once again...fuck man...am already screwing things up...my life is like screwed...

before i even take e step...i've already corroded away what little stepping stone i have to stand on...leaving soft sand with no foundation...stepping on it would means letting myself sink into the quick sand...

not stepping forward...i've let myself to a dead end...one with too many exits leading back to it...like a loop...there's no end to it...and i'll be the one to burn to ashes in the end...sorry to say...staying put or moving on...i'll still burn to the ground...

i need a third option...and that is: leaving behind the past and the forward route...and start digging out a new route...hopefully one where it may lead me to the sunlight...where i can just soak up the sun's ray and marvel at the route which i created myself...though the chance is pretty much slim...

3:45am in the morning...got home not too long ago...tired but my mind's driving at full speed...testing the limit...body is almost totally out...with muscle aching all over...and e draining of energy form within is sucking me dry...

i'm mentally stuck...physically stuck and emotionally stuck...i'm such a let down the people who care...even to myself...i've disappointed people whom meant alot to me...i should do something abt it...before i lose all the little things i hold precious in my eyes...part of which are already slowly slipping away from my sight...i need to get my life back where i started...

i want everything back in its place...just like before...when things are ok and i still have my smile with me...sigh...now i've lost the true meaning of being happy...its like i'm being happy just for the sake of being happy...not like before when i truly felt happiness...

i wish i've never had to make that decision...that one decision which changed my life 180 degree around...maybe if time can turn back i'll stop myself from making that decision...maybe...

but what has to be will be...what is meant to be yours will be...time...it's such a long definition...a word so simple yet so complicated...only time will tell...sigh...

2008-03-29T10:58:00.002+08:00

confused...clogged up...jammed...whirlpool...what more can i use to describe my feeling now?

things are really getting more confusing by the days...i'm starting to wonder if i even know what i want or not...it seems like i'm just going with the flow but it doesnt really feel that way...been having so much mix feelings lately...i don't know what to do...

don't know what else to say but i'm gona be wasted if i don't do something about it...only thing is i don't know what to do...who i'll end up hurting...or maybe i myself will be the one who end up hurting...i don't know and i don't wana know...don't even wana think about it...

wana know who you are...wana know how you feel...i wana know everything...

2008-03-25T00:56:00.002+08:00

the mind is moving but not the body...

the heart is kinda stuck between gear 1 and the brake...i'm not sure what to do now...especially when things are getting more complicated now...i cant seem to see the path infront of me...i feel so trap...i want to move on...but the heart matters are just too hard to let go...somehow still cant do it...

have this feeling that i'm starting to fall for somebody again...but i cant really allow myself to do that...cause i'm not mentally prepared yet...still feeling attached to cole in someways...but the feelings getting stronger these few days...like i'm starting to do things with tell-tale signs...which will only make the other party awkward...

i know that i'm not ready to fall in love now...cause even if i do...its still a one sided love affair...which seemed to have been the same cases in the past few experiences i've had...hopefully i can shake myself out of it and focus on what's important right now...

though in my life right now...there's nothing much important to focus on...not to me at least...maybe because i've nothing to focus on...thats why everything's so chaotic now...i guess i've fcuked up my life in some ways...and the effects of it are showing now...

if the time is ripe..i'll move on...but not now at least...not when things are still unstable...unless moving on helps to stable things down...then i'll move on...i guess...

2008-03-19T00:24:00.002+08:00

past week had been busy..night shifts + late night suppers + late night gamings...monstrasity..lol

things with cole are ok i guess...wont say there's any forward movements or backward movements...currently its still water i guess...though i still do stupid things and stuffs...its kinda of like how i used to disturb her...but yea..still friends so i guess can be said that things are somewhat good...tho i'm not very sure yet..

had alot of fun at work lately...probably due to the excess lot of time that i have now..cafe is like my second family and home now...shifted many times..as my life changes..now come to think of it..cole's place has become a distance area where i dont venture into anymore...

probably due to me not wanting to feel awkward when i'm at her place and mainly not wanting her to get anymore scoldings from her mom by having me around in the way...hopefully i can still hang out at her place sometime...though i doubt its possible...with her mom being particular about where our status stands...i guess there's not much i can do about it too anyway..

its like even if i go over...there's actually nothing much to do except watch television, rot inside her room playing my psp and smelling max's poop...or just rot there in her place...cos what ever i want to do...i need permission and stuff...unlike my place..where i have excess to internet for maple and there's no one around to bug me about things..

and i guess for cole, my place is like somewhere where's she has freedom to use the net, listen to music, and eat ice pops..like a holiday inn for one day..then when you're bored just get out of the house cross over to safra for a walk..i don't mind tho..lol..

anyway...had cole coming over this two days from late morning till afternoon to maple..and both days she over slept...as usual...lol...then sent her home before going to work myself..and tomorrow working full shift...gona be like tired out man...and thursday i need to get down to some warehouse to settle my warranty for my desktop...if not i'll lose out the 3 year warranty...sian...

i better get some sleep soon...my panda eyes are catching up with me again...zzz...

2008-03-13T02:37:00.002+08:00

just got home from supper with colleagues about 1 hour ago...went to prata house for prata! had mushroom cheese and bomb prata..lol...freaking expensive tho..oh well...tried to maple but the freaking internet is still giving problems...think too much people using the freaking star hub broadband now...bleah...

anyway cole's first year in ite officially ended today with her last paper..and i guess to her...its lika heaven cause for 1 month she doesn't have to worry about school unless she fail her exams..hopefully not..and i'm still thinking if i did the right thing...

cause after sending her home...i took off my ring from the stainless steel bead chain and put it onto her necklace with her ring...the one where we got at couple's lab...i don't know how or what she felt at that moment...but i think somehow she got what i was trying to tell her i guess...not too sure of it tho...

cause i know that if i continue to wear the ring...somehow i'm gona still be attached to her in some ways and i don't that to happen...cause i think right now she's setting her priorities right too...and i don't want her to think that she's making me stuck...so i guess it's the best for the both of us...

giving her the ring kinda symbolize to me that we are just friends now so that i will be reminded not to cross the boarder...still struggling with it in someways...so yea...hopefully without the ring in my procession i can remind myself we are just friends now...no longer together...

not that i mean to be harsh or something but it's just what i feel about where we stand now...cause to me...it's like the feeling's not the same anymore...and it's making me see a future without cole by my side...now i don't know how she feels but that's how i feel...she may still be in my future...but not someone who will be by my side when i need them to be...

not much i can say about it or do anything about it...or even try to change anything...cause i don't think there's anything i can do to change it...so i guess i'll just leave it as that...unless she's the one who starts picking things up and piecing them back into one...maybe if that happen we might be in each other's future side by side...

anyway...can't chiong maple tml cause there's server check and i'm freaking tired...gona go to bed soon provided i don't puke...supper's still battling my tummy till now...maybe i'll go down to the cafe tml afternoon to slack...see how ba i guess..now don't really wana go out but i've got nothing to do at home anyway...

lol i better get my sleep...tired out from everything...

It's time...

2008-03-03T00:02:00.003+08:00

i guess i'm finally waking up...from all the wake up calls people have been throwing at me the past few weeks...i guess...it's really time to wake up from my dream land and look at reality...and so i'm taking my first step today...

took the step to clear up my confusion about cole's actions the past few weeks with her...about whether she's doing all for the sake of just doing or there's feelings in them...and i got my answer straight and clear...so i guess i shall leave it as that..

and i guess it's also the best for me...i won't say it's best for her but it just has to be...if not...at the end of the day i'm the one who suffers the most...and i guess it's like all these while i've been complying to her needs and stuff...even tho people may think that i'm the one who needed her more...

true...in the beginning i did need more...but the past few day's kinda been slapping me hard in the face and i guess i kinda felt that i don't really want these things now...even though i still comply to them...i don't want to pull out too fast that her support just disappear in the blink of an eye...

i guess i'm slowly letting things go and i feel that she can see it in someways...especially if you are reading it now..."nicole, just wana say thank you for being there for me all these while...and that i enjoyed the time spent with you even when we're not doing anything but just in each other's company..thank you nicole for the 4 months together..."

"don't worry about me too much...i won't do anything silly..and please take care of your own well being when i'm not around...don't do things without thinking first and remember i'm always a call away...even if you can't get to me..you know where to find me if you need me, i'm hoping that someday, you'll find someone who can look after you well and lead a happy life from there on...for now i just pray that you can take care of yourself and be strong..

P.S. i will always love you"

ok...sorry for the grandfather speech...yea...this week is gona be super tiring for me i guess..especially since i don't have enough sleep and still have alot of things to do...work, then have to go back to school once more...and maple story..lol..

i guess i'm somewhat preparing myself to move on from where i got stuck...it's not much of any movement yet but i'm moving on slowly...i don't know what cole will think or how she might react when she read this post but yea...

i guess it's time to move on with life in some way...i feel that i'm slowly fading away in some way too...like my presence doesn't really matter anymore...which kinda makes me feel in between comforted and stuck...comforted such that at least i know that my presence doesn't affect people anymore and stuck such that i dono whether its a good thing or not..

to me...i jsut want to live life my style now and not care about what others may think or react...and i don't want anymore 2 cent's worth to influence my thinking or what i should be or not doing...it's my life...get that fact right people...sorry if i offended anyone but yea..

"cole...if you do get to read this post...let me know how you feel kay? don't keep me in suspend or just brush this post off...cause i know that this post definitely has some form of effect to you..you might not say it out but i can tell...so even if you don't tell me u noe that i'll be able to figure it out too..so do let me noe about your feelings..

i don't wana bombard you with so many things especially when your exam is right around the corner like this week...let me noe you're ok..if you need to talk about this issue let me noe too..just drop me a msg..good bye nicole..."

gona go shower then grab a bite hungry and sleepy too...ciao people...who ever does read my post...

2008-03-01T00:20:00.002+08:00

started the day not too well with cole...had a cold war from her her till dental there...after which things became better..went with cole for blood donation after her dental..in the end i managed to donate my first time but she didnt get to do her routine donation once again..lol..

2 weeks before, after her dental went down to accompany her at the blood donation then her iron level too low to donate...then today...after the blood test, she was quite confident that her iron level is enough till the nurse said that she needed to double check..then turn out that her iron reading was 12.4 and the requirement was 12.5...lol...so once again she didnt make it for her donation..

today was kinda happening at the blood bank there...there were some student tours going on then alot of secondary 1 students around..kinda interesting..lol...then see one of the student nearly fainted because couldnt stand the sight of so much blood..lol..

then another secondary school girl fainted after her blood donation...kinda sad for her..cause somemore her dad was the one who brought her to the blood bank then only she donated blood...and at the cafe where we redeem our food she collapsed ten see the people rushing for doctors and bringing out stretchers to bring her in for observation..

after donation went back home for dinner...cole came back with me...after dinner was kinda shaged out so i slept from 7:30 till 9:40 while cole played maple beside my bed..cole woke me up when it was time to go then sent her home..after that went home then felt hungry on hte way so went to 7-11 to grab some cup noodles..cooked the chili crab one then my mom wanted so open the other pack-mushroom and chicken for her..haha..then now waiting for my tummy to digest abit before i go to bed..

working full shift tomorrow...so i guess i'll be kinda shagged out after work...sunday going for service with cole then after that going out before reporting for work at night...past week have been kinda busy...only day off was today,in which i spent it with cole :) tomorrow hopefully my right arm will be better...cause cant carry heavy stuff till at least tomorrow...less the needle wound opens then get alot of bruising...

wow...the whole day typed out in such a short post..lol...anyway...gona rest my arm now before i go to bed..ciao people..

good night baby cole..

P.S. I Love My Sprawlie :)

2008-02-27T00:42:00.003+08:00

fuck...why do i always have to make things go bad?its like we are on better terms now then i keep fucking things up...fuck la...now i'm making her have second thoughts again...why do i keep screwing things up????????shit la....all those fucking two cents worth that people keep adding in...fuck them la...

then i keep bringing up those fucking things people say to cole...then i make her feel even more unsecured about our friendship now...fuck...and the fact that she doesn't want me to take sprawlie too seriously make me think that to her...its just her way of entertaining me...fuck...now i dont even know if i want to continue anymore...fuck fuck fuck....

can someone just stick a fucking knife into my fucking head?at least i know i'll feel better...shit la...all those thoughts just keep flooding into my fucking brain now...the more i dont want to think about them..the more they force their way in...i feel so fucked up...

its like i'm the one who keep making our friendship crumble...like when cole's thoughts have settled abit...like we're cool and stuff...then i keep making her think more and more and more till she feels different about our friendship again...what am i supposed to do?she say i should stop before more damages is done...but how?

i cant stop all those two cents worth from coming in...fuck...i'm like a fucking drug addict who cant stop taking his drug or letting go of it...like every time something happens i go back to withdrawal and then going back to taking the drug again...its like a vicious cycle...and eventually...after everything...i'll be the one and only one who gets hurt in the end...

to cole...i'm like ranting out to her but her words also kinda cut deep in...like we're going back to square one...to her its like i'm basically just spoiling all her hope for the friendship...to me..i'm like a fucking asshole who cant let go...and fucking move on...i'm sorry i have to rant out again but i need somewhere where people don fucking judge me to rant out to..cause this is my blog...so if u don like it then fuck off and stop bothering me..ty...

urgh...its almost 1am...fuck...and my brain's almost all blown out from thinking too much about things which might not even happen in the future...and i let my fucking good imaginations run fucking wild...till i hurt cole in someway i guess...especially when she apologize for things which i imagine...

I"M SORRY BABY COLE...I'M SORRY...

2008-02-25T00:33:00.003+08:00

fucked up evening at work today...totally fucked up customers...so what if you're from some rich club?so what if you're regular customer?if u're really regular then you should know better than to fuck us around like some body's bitch or something...sometimes i just don't understand why rich people can be so fucked up at times...like so what if u are rich?if ur attitude sucks like some fucking shit then whats the point?people will still hate you for life...

anyway...all i can say is tonight wasn't a good night for me...and the worse is my boss keep forcing me to work on saturday and sunday...its like fuck man...even though i can work more...it doesn't mean i must free up my own personal time right?like when i want to spend time with close friends and stuff...my boss keep making me work on sunday night and full shit on saturday...shit...

then the things is give me firday off still keep calling me to work...wtf la...the rest got program on sunday i don't have is it?fuck la...if they cant give up their own program to work...why must i always give up mine just so they can be free to have their own program?it doesn't make sense to me...and its like always when i dont wan to work...cause i'm planing for something on that day that they always call me to work whether i like it or not...everytime its like really got no people le...then when i check then i realise fuck la...all those who cant work is because they are going out on dates or something...its just unfair if u ask me...

heck...don wana talk abt it now...this post is just to vent my frustration for tonight...let me release everything out...i'll feel better...and cole is like my drug now...and i'm addicted to the drug...every time i need someone to talk to...i'll call her...its become a habit...cause i guess she's e only one who noes me better than others...and like what people say...when you take drug, the effect of the drug shows on ur body...like when cole is happy i'll feel happy and when cole is sad i'll feel sad...

hopefully cole will be able to come over tomorrow after school...not confirm yet but yea...just wish for her company now...i miss the love and care from her i guess...cant wait for friday to come too...gona company cole to the dental again for her appointment..then if theres time will go for blood donation together...my promise to her..if not then head back home for dinner...maybe spraw again..and nua...see how i guess...probably if she comes over tomorrow will just nua till its time to go to work then send her back before hand..

if possible will send her to school on tuesday,,,i realised i haven done that at all when we're together...so kinda want to send her to school..then maybe go slack somewhere while waiting for her to end school then go over to her place before heading down to work...its like i'm spend so much time with her even up till now but yea...spending time with cole has become part of my daily life i guess...and its hard to change one's life in a split second or over night...it's gona tkae a long time...

hopefully before i enlist...i'll be able to control my feelings from showing too much...then i'll be able to let go fully...its hard though...i feel like i'm on life support...and cole's the plug...like if you pull out the plug...the patient will die and stuff...its how i kinda still am feeling now...like if you pull cole out from my life totally...i'll just crumble and fall...i dont think she'll want me to crumble too...but she's already letting go...so i guess i'll have to learn to live without the life support machine...

fuck...so many mosquitoes around...irritating...biting me all over the freaking place...urgh...damn it...i better start moving around before they suck me dry...

2008-02-22T23:29:00.002+08:00

just got home not too long ago..had a date with cole today :) went to watch P.S I Love You :D such a nice movie to watch...another must watch movie hehe :)

went over to fetch cole from her place to mine...then we sprawed and nua till almost 6 then went down to yishun gv to catch the movie..bought the tics after fetching her from home..had a quick bite at macs before the movie and we still managed to finish the whole box of pop corn..haha...after the movie slacked while having hot fudge sundae.

mac was too pack with yj students so we sat outside northpoint..bleah...then cole got bitten on the lips by an ant..haha...that was funny..lol..anyway slacked till almost 10pm then we went to the interchange to bus home...there was this group of dono what cao punkers who board the bus too..

they were blasting raps and rapping along...not too sure what language but it sure sound like bangala to us..haha..anyway...it doesnt matter...cos they are just full of shits..lol...i almost knocked out in the bus...was too tired out my heart was pumping super weakly and slowly...mostly to my brains...maybe thats why my body was feeling kinda weak we had to sit down outside northpoint..

after resting felt much better...but had to cab home...cos not fully ok...now feeling much better i guess..but better get my rest soon...yea...waiting to call cole before sleeping...eating ice pop now too haha..though i've decided to let cole go for now,i guess there's still part of me that wants her back...

hopefully after my services for the country we can get back together..i wish for that to happen...maybe by then she'll be able to settle down and we can pick up from where we left things...just maybe..yea..gona get me another ice pop now while waiting for the msg...so byebye...

2008-02-20T23:43:00.002+08:00

just got home...spent almost the entire day being moody and trying to restraint myself from the urge of calling or msging cole...in the end i still did...i guess its really part of my daily life...a habit i'd say...its not something u can change over night...it might take some time but eventually i shld be able to control myself more i hope...

anyway...we've come to the term of being friends and "ka-ki" when we need each other..lol...something like majong ka-ki kind of thing..lol, cept that ours is just to clown around and make fun of people we see on the streets..haha...for us its fun to do so..lol...anyway...been thinking alot today...like much more than the past few dayes when i'm still in denial...i'm so fucked up the past few days i was clouded by my thoughts...

anyway...now we're clear about where we stand and stuff so i guess for now, the ocean wave is calm..

2008-02-20T10:28:00.002+08:00

been talking to bandana...and i guess its best i let go before its too late...so i guess...i'm gona let go...but it'll take some time for me to slowly get go fully...no point continuing like this...thats what he told me...and i guess...its true in some ways...

i don't wana live in denial anymore...especially since you've made it clear...so i guess its time i let go of you...

2008-02-20T00:09:00.002+08:00

things are going unstable again...i dono what the heck is wrong with us or people around us...firstly...what we want to do is our own problem but no,people around us just kept trying to make us do things that we don wana....and fuck...what they want us to do is the thigns they wan to see us do...its like we have no rights at all...

secondly...i seriously dono what to do about us now...like what i mentioned...if i compromise and let her go...i'll still be watching her from afar...but she will never know...cause i'll disappear from her life by then...and when i see her get together with another guy,she lead a much happier life...but i'l probably crash and burn...

if she compromise, and go back with me...i'll get happier to have her back in my arms but then...she'll be so miserable on the inside and she'll crash and burn...then probably i'll do to...then everything is gone...

third option is we both compromise and she wants to go back with me but i want to let her go..then we start fighting over it again and everything starts all over again from square one...its like we're really stuck in this sticky situation now...and we cant do anything about it...fuck la...

was talking to cole just now...and apparently, her mom doesnt want her to act as we we are so close since we broke up...and seems that she doesnt really like me to go over so often now...though if i do that...then later on she'll be asking cole why i never go anymore and stuff...

and its like she doesnt say it infront of me but after i leave...and cole gets it from her...i dono...its like i kinda feel that things arent going so well anymore...then when we're no longer friends then people will start asking why cant we still be friends...then when we become close again then people starts to disagree with us being close...so what do they want from us?

move on and get on with our lifes?they're really making us stuck too...though i noe i'm the one who kinda make cole still stuck...then again...when i fully let go...i'll disappear from her life...then she doesnt want that to happen...but see ah...if i ever moved on...and found myself another girl to be with...then at that time cole's still alone...i'll probably spent most of my time with my girl...

then when cole needs my comapny and im with my girl...i cant like leave my girl and go to cole right?then it'll go back to the same old shit again where i say i'll be there for u and stuff...then after awhile its like i cant keep the promise anymore...then if i ever stay single and she found someone else...when i need her the same thing will happen...then what now i'll ask...

what the fuck are we supposed to do then?for us to truely move on...its only one single path i can see...which is not an easy path to take...cause either one of us will have to sacrifice ourself for the best of the other person...and in the end, we'll stop talking to each other eventually...which is what cole doesnt want...as in she doesnt want us to become those kinda of friends who goes hi and bye...thats it...that like of thing...

and the fact that she prefers A.M kinda made me feel more inferior to them...like what the fuck is so good about them that they must be of higher class than us the chinese?right now i'm kinda feeling super fucked up with A.M cause its like so what if they are white?does it mean they are of better background than chinese?no...their background are actually so much more fucked up than ours...i dono how bad but i dont give a fuck abt them...

and i dont blame her for preferring A.M cause of her background...but still...i'm not really satisfied with her reason...and i dont like the fact that there are people out there whose trying to stop us from doing what we're doing now...like how our relationship should og and stuff...even tho i noe cole doesnt want to be with me anymore...it kinda hurts me more than any other things...if i truely let go...will we still be friends at all? i doubt so now...

i'll probably get into relationships just to play with the girls and hurt their feelings cause i guess i'll never want to be hurt by them anymore...not in anyway...i dont blame cole for breaking with me...but i dont want to get hurt anymore...maybe i should just shut off my emotion system and turn into a jerk with no feelings...maybe i'll feel better in a way or so...but i'll hurt cole in the process...cause i noe if i lose my emotions or feelings...i'll just go around doing things that hurt people without ever feeling the guilt..

at the end of the day...will i be happy?will my life have any meaning in it? i dono...its like there's no point in my life anymore...if i really give up hope now...she's be able to move on at least...if i pick myself up and shut off from her...she'll continue dragging herself but not picking up from where she falls...fuck...i dono what to do...i'm stuck physically, mentally and emotionally...

and my brain's gona pop out soon...once again...fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...i need to do brain vomit...i need advice...i dono wat to do anymore...if i stay on, she'll disappear...if she stay on, i'll disappear...i guess...things will only settle down when one of us disappears...for now i just want things to stay where they are...since i cant see far into the future anymore...

i'm living day by day and figuring out the next day as it comes...for me now...i guess my faith has change alot...so much so that now seeing is believing...and i can't believe what i've not seen anymore...not like before when i was able to have faith even before i see things happening...i dono...i feel so fucked up again...

2008-02-19T01:35:00.003+08:00

once again...things seems to be better than the last few days...and i guess right now we're both just living each day by day...cant tell what's going to happen tomorrow or in the near future...so we'll live through each day first and see how things goes i guess..

kinda felt vry happy when i saw you today.i guess like what you said,i still haven really let go...but somehow i've already let you go in a way...and i see that you're more happy than the past few days..and we're still good friends,or rather closer than good friends :) so i quite glad too..that you're able to be lively again :)

at least i noe that in your heart i still stand tall, and in my heart,or rather part of what's left,you stand tall too :) though there are probably people who's bitching about us and stuff...and nagging at u and me...we both noe who i'm talking about so no names shall be posted out.lol..over all had fun talking craps and rubbish with you today..

making you laugh is like my everyday necessity haha...to make your day and stuff..since you've already made my day last night with your S.V. good night msg :) i feel much more secured in ur heart now :) i hope u do too..and we can both just do silly things together haha...lol...kidding...fun things i mean...like movies, outings, dates...haha... :P

then again...ns is the killer which i hope will not break us apart...and tear us up into little shreds lol...its gona be tough but i hope that we both will be able to keep holding on and make it tru after all..since i have you and you have me yea? i do hope we can pull tru together during my 2 yrs of ns ans not just that but many years to come too :) hehe..handing hands and walking the path of life together till we aged and pass on..

i'd like for that to happen..lol...i really feel like a ah pei...cos thers so much to talk about but yea...somethings are still best said to you face to face but u also noe how i feel and stuff so i'll leave it for you..lol..i'm kinda surprise my post has no fuck or other rubbish around...lol...seems like venting it out on blog does help me keep my cool..

cause i don wan to be screaming out all this rubbish to no one in particularor rather worse still,to people whom i love and care about...i guess typing them out is the most peaceful and quiet way of releasing the steam...at least when they read it..they'll noe how i feel and stuff...but they wont see me screaming my butt of with all these rubbish...its not vry healthy to keep using these rubbish you noe...makes a habit out of it and gg...

but yea...nvm...i'm going to sleep now...kinda tired out from work and stuff...even tho i enjoyed ur presence at the cafe today :) felt like the old days when you drop by to use my laptop while i'm working :) to see you look up at me and smile so ever sweetly for me :) i'm glad u had fun today and that u are able to pull urself together much sooner than i expected..as in we are still able to talk about everything under the sun.

yea...i better go...its almost 2 in the morning.,..still need to go to school to hand in stuff then go to work and finally spend the evening at your home sweet home :) looking forward to dinner at ur place baby nicole :)

2008-02-17T16:31:00.002+08:00

after one night's sleep...i guess i'm feeling much better...though my fucking brain's still kinda clogged up...i guess the only thing i can do is to just get on with my fucking life...a life which i don't think is really worth living for anyway...unless i can find comfort in something here on earth...or someone else...but i don't think i'll ever be able to find someone like you...someone that i will give my heart to...ever again...

my defensive wall has been set up after last night i guess...don't think i will fucking open up much to people anymore...it's gona be hard...and i guess i do know now how you feel...how you don want to open up to fuckers who kept asking you stuffs...maybe i'm just one of them to you right now...and i am in no position to question your actions anyway...

i'll just let you do whatever fuck you want from now on...cause there's nothing i can do for you anyway...not a single fuck...but when you need me, and if i can, i'll put down what ever i'm doing to be there for you...that's the most i can do for you...for now...till you find someone who's capable of looking after you...then only i'll be able to leave you in their hands..

for now i'll just sit there and listen...absorb like a sponge...maybe one day...i'll blow up..but it doesn't matter anymore...i'm happy just to be your sponge...to listen to you rant everything out to me...and maybe for me to add in my two cent's worth into your life...maybe years later...when you've finally sort out your thoughts...we can go together again..who knows?only one person will know...

maybe its just his way to show me that the earthly things will never be forever?i don't know...and frankly speaking...i don't really give a fuck about it...not now at least...sorry if i offend anyone but yea...that's how i feel right now...let things be for now.don't bother to topple the scale and make things worse...for now you will be my friend...

close friend? i don't think that's what you want...good friend? maybe...but i don't know...friend? yea...thats what i feel now...and that's what i think you want now...so cool..we're friends...nothing more nothing less..

till you sort out everything single things you want in life...i wont ask to be closer than what you want...cause in the end you'll just do if for my sake...to entertain me...and it's not something i want...since it won't be coming our from our heart...then don't bother..enough said...

hows things are gona go from now...i'll let the wind blow...where ever the wind goes...i'll flow with the wind...let nature take it's course u'd say?maybe...i don't know...i'll just sit back and enjoy my ride in the wind now...probably people in church will see me less...but i don't care, to say the truth...probably i'll be working more these few months just to get my fucking screwed head off from thinking about stuff..

it's kinda good remedy...to work my ass off and earn some money to last me through NS and extra expenses...anyway...enough talk..gona go slack..maybe go home?yea...i guess so...go home and rest..

2008-02-17T00:26:00.002+08:00

everything in the past...everything we did together...its all bullshit...all fucked up bullshit...bullshit that u just want to throw into the bin and never look at it again...totally fucked up shits...

we are through...so through u can look into my heart and see the big fucking hole that had been dug out...so big and deep u cant see a shit that's left inside...maybe lots of shits inside..but not my heart anymore...its all gone...and i don't fucking care about anything anymore...not even if u ask me to stop using this word...i'll just shout at ur fucking face to FUCK OFF!

everything that i believe in...every single things that i treasure....its all just pure fuck to someone...since that's the case...then i don give a fuck anymore...i'll just throw everything i used to believe in down the fucking drain and let all the dirty water flush them away...since they're like dirt to someone...let it be then..i don care...

right now i just want to fucking blow up my fucking head and take a look wats inside...see if theres any need to dig out the clogged up shits inside...wash everything down the drain...flush out all the shit thats inside...thats what someone wants anyway...me to fucking move on with my fucking life....so that someone can move on and forget about me...

i do care but fuck it...it doesnt matter anymore...nothing in this world matters to me anymore...shall just let it be...

2008-02-15T09:10:00.002+08:00

spent valentine's day with cole yesterday :) went to watch ah long pte ltd :) such a hilarious movie :) recomandable for a good laugh..went to cole's place before hand to wait for her.got her flowers too :) after that slack till almost 5:40pm then we were rushing like mad to catch the 6:20pm movie...lol

in the end when we got to the GV,the queue was likda long so we decided to get the 6:55pm tickets instead...cause by the time we reach GV it was already like 6:20pm and we don't want to miss the beginning of the movie..lol,went to macs to chill out before the movie..

after watch the movie went for dinner with cole at pasta mania at J8,we shared a 10 inch Hawaiian pizza cause we were both full from the pop corn and coke..haha,ate till almost 10:30pm...cole still eats slowly :) and i kinda enjoy watching her eat..lol..

after dinner walked cole home from J8 then went home :)over all had a great day spent with cole :)

2008-02-12T22:13:00.000+08:00

had another chat with cole today...decided to draw our boundaries as to where we stand...how things are going on between us and stuff...we've come to a decision to remain as best friends till further notice...

i guess its time i wake up from the dream i've been living in the past two nights into the truth...that we are officially broken up...though i'm still hurting...all i want is for cole to be happy and to live her life happily...i'll continue to hold on to this friendship between both of us.

though i'm still harboring hopes that we might one day get back together...for now...i guess its just my dream...the one same dream that i will dream of every single night when i go to bed...to see us back together like before...its painful to let go...but i guess i have to learn to deal with the pain...

the only comfort i have now is looking forward to still being able to go over to her place and have her come over to spend time together...though not as couple but as best friends...and i know she does too...and that i can still see her every now and then...maybe not as much as i used to when we're together...but yea..

will still be doing things together like we used to...sitting together during meals,sharing and maybe feeding each other...as long as she's happy i guess i'm willing to do all i can to help her up her feet again...

currently waiting for her message so that i can call her to chat for a while...need to get my much needed sleep though...haven been sleeping well the past two nights...though i know that i still might have problems sleeping tonight...hopefully i'll be able to get some rest from it anyway...

gona be having a long day tml...gota go to school to check out whether i'm selected for second presentation and to help out with some decorations...then working at night too...bleah...though i'm not really ready for work...couldn't find other people to cover...so i guess there's no choice...oh well...i'm getting paid for it anyway..

gona get some rest while i wait for cole to msg me once she's done with her bath...chao...

2008-02-12T10:56:00.000+08:00

decided to change my skin once more...hopefully i'll feel better these few days to come...

final presentation is finally over..kinda lucky to be picked as the third group from like at least 15 to 20 groups..so now can relax till everything is over...though i still have to be in the presentation room till every single project group have completed their presentation...oh well...one thing less on my mind now..

other than that...i guess these few days aren't gona be easy for me...doing whatever i can to maintain myself but i think sooner or later if i don't get help i might lose my senses...will have to see how...for now i guess...i'll just leave it as that...

2008-02-11T14:02:00.000+08:00

once again...the path that i'm left with is narrow and dark...like a cellar down the dungeon...cold and wet...a path with no future ahead...

i'm feeling tired...i just want to stop moving forward...and just look back at the paths i took...the long and complicated paths i took...paths where i cant retrace my steps and undo the things i've done...

the burdens i picked up along the ways...the happiness and sadness spread along the paths...the wonderful memories that came along with the feelings...

Cry On My Shoulder

Verse 1:

If the hero never comes to you
If you need someone you're feeling blue
If you're away from love and you're alone
If you call your friends and nobody's home
You can run away but you can't hide
Through a storm and through a lonely night
Then I show you there's a destiny
The best things in life
They're free

Chorus:

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

Verse 2:

If your sky is grey oh let me know
There's a place in heaven where we'll go
If heaven is a million years away
Oh just call me and I make your day
When the nights are getting cold and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I will always stay here by your side
I promise you I'll never hide

Chorus:

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do
But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

What real love can do
What love can do
What real love can do
What love can do
What real love can do
What love can do

2008-02-10T02:32:00.000+08:00

silly me fussed over the wrong thing...got hit big time by the cole ocean wave...washed up shore...almost dying...took my surf board and tried to hit the wave again...wrong move...thunder storm arising...rocky ocean i'm on...

cole tidal wave came crushing down the next day and swiped me off my feet...try as i might..just couldn't get back onto the surface...going down as water fills the tank...

then again...cole wave washed me up shore once more...giving the hope of survival...i look up to the bright sunny sun...what a wave i thought...hard and strong headed,yet filled with grace and mercy..

i picked up my surf board once more,ready for the next cole wave...i'll be ready...to face any of its wrath...to be stable on top of the rocky ocean...to marvel at the wonders...of the precious cole tidal wave...

2008-01-28T13:33:00.000+08:00

wheee...fun day at sentosa yesterday with baby :D though the weather was super weird...one moment it was bright and shiny...the next it was gloomy with heavy rain...the sun tried its best to clear up the sky for us which lasted lest than 30 minutes..lol...then again heavy down pour..its like when we were trying to get into the water, it started raining heavily...then after we ran to seek shelter...the rain stopped..happened for like 3 4 times till we decided to just sit on the beach and nua regardless of the weather.. hehe :D had fun soaking up the raining and digging pot holes in the sand :D

after sentosa went back home for dinner and x-men 2 cause baby wanted to watch on channel 5..was so tired out i knocked out in my room for about an hour or so in the late evening..lol...sent baby home then back home myself...was too shagged out already...went to sleep after washing up...didn't even wake up in the morning till like 8:30am...both my alarms failed to wake the super shagged and nua me..haha...oh well...gotta get back to work...chao...

oh oh...congrats lil sis for getting 10 points for her Os :D

2008-01-17T10:13:00.000+08:00

yet again...things went sour yesterday...hopefully everything will be back to normal soon...

2008-01-10T12:06:00.000+08:00

currently in school slacking since its lunch time...and everyone's out of class so yea...decided to come back here...some good news in fact. acer is going to do a one to one exchange for my laptop cause they have basically screwed it up so badly changing of rams and hard disk just doesn't work anymore...lol, since the first day of school my laptop started its blue screening rubbish again and ever since, i haven't been able to get online till now..and been calling up acer so many times every other day they decided to finally do something about my situation..

so now waiting till tomorrow for them to send ouver the replacement laptop, from what i know it's the loanset model which was loan to me the previous time when they took my laptop back for servicing..cool...inbuilt crystal webcam and fingerpritn reader...wahaha...though i'm not very sure of the specs of the replacement laptop they're giving me, but it should be alot better than my current rubbish one..lol..

yea...gtg for now...going back to my work..

2008-01-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

long time since the last post...yea...been pretty busy the past december..from the 19th to the 22nd had our annual FACT camp :) which was held at St' Andrews village. had a wonderful and fruitful time spent there, through all the games and workshops and stuff...not to mention running back to school for my project..yea...it all fun and all :D

on top of it, i'm glad baby was able to put her past behind her finally :D though not all of it but yea,at least now every thing's turning for the better in both our lives :D after camp was rushing of getting the christmas gifts for friends and families :D and before we knew it, christmas swept us by..wow...time really flies...on the 26th, had a family chalet and baby went too :D had bbq on the 26th itself and we ate alot of rubbish..haha...

mum catered too much food too so we spent the next 3 meals eating the left overs..haha...imagining having ham for breakfast lunch and dinner plus all the bbq left overs...wow...monstrasity...after the bbq night, baby had fever which we all didnt know..only found out the next morning...how?i was wondering why i was perspiring from my head down to the shoulders the whole night, then did temperature check and found out htat baby was down with fever..lol

anyway,chalet was supposed to end on the 28th but we left on the 27th night cause we were all pretty shagged out...so only kor and my future sis in law stayed on to the last day..after the chalet, spent the weekend and new year eve working...tiring weeks it have been...though it's my holidays it didnt really feel like one...had topo much things going on for any break..yea...hoping for my last term to be over so i'll be able to take some break at least..yea..

oh well, time to go...have to wake up for school in 7 hour's time..

2007-12-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

had another good talk with baby today :D glad we did that...we're at 90% and still going strong :D had family dinner today to celebrate my bro's birthday.ate at downstairs coffeeshop cause my mom and dad were afraid that there might be a heavy downpour....haha..baby came along too :D

now the extended family is really growing..lol :) so fast, one more week and its fact camp 2007 already...wow...another year has past me by...amazing...the only thing good that had happened to me this year i would say, would be finally finding my other half :D my precious baby :D nicole ang wei ying :D love her so much..

after camp will be rushing of christmas presents and of cause, christmas itself after which family chalet :D whoohooo!!and baby's gona be staying over from the 26th till 27th night before going home :D sweet :D we'll be able to spent more quaility time together :D yay i can't wait for the chalet to arrive soon...

gona go to bed soon...its almost one in the morning...gona have a long day tml...so chao baby :D love you:)

2007-12-08T08:58:00.000+08:00

my laptop couldn't start up...so acer changed my laptop main board...then it started crashing and showing blue screen...called acer up and they changed my hard disk...saying it crashed...ok...fine...then they did e-recovery on the new hard disk and again...blue screen and crashing occurs...

got my friend to refer me to some computer guy in school who got the acer manager to give me a call...sent another guy down who changed my ram and say if still got problem call him then he give me a loan set for the time being while they send my laptop back for examination...five minutes after that guy left, my laptop blue screened again...

so now i'm using a 2 gb ram, duo core processor,120gb hard disk space laptop with window vista and a super cool good quality inbuilt web cam...kinda don't want to return it tho...lol :P

2007-12-03T00:50:00.000+08:00

again...God works in ways we can't comprehand..just when i thought things aren't going well and down the drain...a ray of hope pops in...shines right through everything in it's path :) lifting up the fallen spirit inside me...lifting my heart up where it should have been...turning the 'n' to a 'u'

really thank God for that moment where i wiped out my mp3 and played the only hill song album in it...spent about 15 to 20 minutes listening to His praises and Worship which really calmed my head down back to earth...really appreciates how God works in ways we don't understand..yet still able to see His gace flowing right inside..thank God for today.

Amen..

2007-11-27T21:59:00.000+08:00

spent the evening clearing my big fat shythead...of lots of stuffs i guess...well...stuffs that are pretty much related to one another...yea...felt much better now...thought i know that these thoughts will come back soon...guess i'll have to clear my head once again when they come back...

realised that the past few days...i haven been happy...though on sunday i tried to make myself feel better...i didn't really feel better...and yesterday kinda made me realised i really need to clear my head...think back about stuffs and and really think hard...am i making the right choices?i know some wasn't...but being with baby is one of the choice i know i did right.. :)

gona get my facts right now...hopefully i'll last..yea...things have been pretty much tough these days...with school,work,family and the "extended" family to juggle between...lots of activities going on...cant really catch up with them...think i need to slow down so how...to catch a breather...today is one of those breather days for me...to spend the evening after school at home...relaxing...quiet night...peaceful...

think last week i spent too much time out working and spending time with baby till there's not enough space for both of us...thankfully this week we have our own space and time to chill out and for me, to do some reflection...yea...

feel even much better after clearing my head and posting this out here...wheee :) gona go relax some more then go off to bed soon...

2007-11-27T18:39:00.000+08:00

yesterday evening wasn't really all that pleasant...though i did expected to at least do something constructive...it didnt turn out well...wasted the night away by just slumping onto the couch and rotting away infront of the tv screen...not very constructive activity...and baby's sister kinda got on my nerves once in awhile...wasnt in the playing mood yesterday but she insisted on playing with me...got turned off...

kept quiet like through out the whole evening after that...didnt speak much or move much...just sat there like a couch potato i guess...kinda sad if you ask me...all i wanted was to spend some quality time with baby but in the end...i kinda wasted the whole evening away rotting when i could have stayed at home to do other stuffs...oh well...

at least i get to stay home tonight...and spend quality time clearing my head and stuffs...didnt get to have my hair cut today...every time i wanted to get my hair cut...it's always pack or closed...then when i'm too busy or something...it's always empty...bleah...gona eat my super rings while clearing my head and watching tv liao...chao

2007-11-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

things are better now,after having our small lil talk today...decided to put things behind us and get on :D

2007-11-24T21:50:00.000+08:00

zzz...in the f up mood again...things seem to be going down hill...zzz...and i really am getting tired...of always having to be the one to put things back together where they belong...bleah...sometimes i just wana drop the subjects and move on...let things past and be done with...

its just total f ups...and i always end up being the one to clean things up...frustrations after frustrations after frustrations...f them...cant things get better?wtf are things going the wrong ways...i just dont get it...screw them...

2007-11-21T09:42:00.000+08:00

ok...so here i am once again rotting in class...if i'm right, i think my lab tso isn't around so i will be slacking for the time being...lol...so i shall blog abit :)

past week's been kinda busy...from last wednesday onwards actually,cause i have alot of planning and cutting to do for my project...and basically i spent the whole of wednesday afternoon,whole of thursday and friday getting my acrylic "exhaust" pipe to work and fit into my 230v ac blower.finally i got the output of the blower to scale down to a somewhat smaller opening yet still stays strong enough.

had a great weekend too...though saturday i kinda spoil myself...had a heavy lunch at work...then had a heavy cell group dinner and then play soccer...what a genius i was...after the whole thing...or rather half way through soccer...i had to stop...cause the food's all coming up from within...thank God my precious dinner didn't come out..lol...baby watched us played soccer :D

sunday was one of the best i've had :D baby came over for lunch and dinner :D wheeeeee....got to spend the day with her quietly at home :D i love you baby!! yesterday went over to her place for dinner :) auntie shawn made home made pizza :D yum yum :D lol...ate quite alot then went for bubble tea..hehe...and seaweed! for our desserts..slurps :P

gona be working later and tomorrow so wont get to see baby tho...but,hopefully we'll be able to go out on friday :D hopefully...oh well...2 more days to go...chaoz...

2007-11-08T01:42:00.001+08:00

baby couldn't get out of home tomorrow...her mom was complaining that she goes out too often...but then again...like what she said...there's nothing to do at home but get bugged by her sisters...lol...oh well...but i do understand why auntie shawn felt a need for her to stay home tho...cause we've really been going out alot these few days...and it's not really nice to keep asking a girl to come out all the time..

oh well...it's either i go to her place tomorrow morning...or i'll just stay at home to rest...since i think my bro will be out anyway..and my sis confirm going out...my mom should be slacking at home tomorrow...dad will be driving tho...maybe we can go out for dinner...see how...but i won't get to spend the day with baby...cause someone invited her family for dinner tomorrow night...

hopefully i might go down to her place in the morning...but then her whole family will be around...and she's gona get worked up again if sheri were to get on her nerves...sigh...will see how thigns goes i guess...

*****

bleah...got another battle scar today...not yet a scar but soon...and its caused by the freaking heineken again...the last time a heineken bottle broke in my hand...now the bloody heineken glass broke while i was washing it...pui...

i suspect that the glass had a crack on it somewhere on the glass mouth...cause when i was washing it...i used the sponge and scrub it from the inside and i did the wiping twist and suddenly i felt a corner where there was something protruding out slightly...and before i knew it...part of the glass came off and went straight into my finger...

cut into the artery causing quite alot of bleeding...had to press down hard on my finger for nearly 15 minutes to stop the bleeding...which also caused my finger to turn purple for like 10 minutes after dressing the wound...bleah...couldn't do anything washing after that...had to rely on chris and janel to help with washing of the dishes and cutleries...many thanks to them for the help and to xiang ting for doing the dressing of my wound too..

2007-11-05T20:50:00.001+08:00

things happens in split seconds...things that might be nasty...and things that might be good...the world is just so unpredictable...one moment ago, you're the happiest person in the world...the next...you're the saddest person in the world...things can happen so quickly in a snap of a finger or a blink of an eye...that someone in rise so highly into the air and fall so quickly down back to earth...

2007-11-01T11:13:00.000+08:00

i'm rotting in school now...well...for the past 2 days actually...cause there's really nothing to do in the lab except waiting for the stupid fans which we ordered to arrive...hopefully by next monday...it's so boring i started playing online flash games la...then the lab tech was like :" why are you playing games ariel?" then i was like:" got nothing to do wat...everything comes down to the fan...then can do our stuff" then he just let it go...lol...

then now, i'm still rotting in school...nothing to do...cant listen to music...bleah...waiting for lunch now...but my stomach's feeling kinda weird...like its trying to force out the things on the inside...if there's any in the first place... >:( can feel the insides tossing and turning even now...like toseh or prata like that....bleah...

cant wait to meet baby later...gonab e watching mulan musical by small Caucasians kidos with baby and her mom and sisters..her mom got an extra ticket for me...how nice of her. cant wait for school to end then can rush down to her place...then from there, we'll go for dinner before going down to the australian international school where baby's mom is teaching for the musical..lol

gona be able to spend time with baby :) yay..so happy wheeeee :D haha... oh well.gota go...almost lunch time...cya dudes

2007-10-24T13:53:00.000+08:00

hmmm...both our parents seem all too worried for us...worried about our studies and taking the relationship slowly...don't really know why they're so worried though...cause i know for sure that i'm in control now, about our relationship and school...

thats why i know when i cant kinda skip school and when not to..cause i know my school work well enough now...sigh...i know that they are just worried for our sake but being all too worried doesn't get them or us anywhere does it?it just makes us all more grumpy and frustrated with each other...which is even worse for the family...

different people takes relationships at different pace...so does it really matter if our pace is too fast or too slow?both have their pros and cons...but if you were to be in control, then things wont get out of hand...and i cherish our relationship so i'm always cautious of what i'm doing...

i jsut wish that our parents will chill out...if not, they might push us to the edge one day...that's how i feel...a certain amount of control from our parents to check on us is good...but not too much...though i still thank my parents for leaving us to do our stuff alone in the room...yea...it really just shows that they're really concern for us...but yea...not too much please...

everyone will need their own privacy from time to time,especially when a couple is together...as long as we report back to them every now and then, it should be ok...yup...

2007-10-18T10:15:00.001+08:00

oh yea forgot to put in some photos from tuesdy night

baby wrote this with ketchup :D

my name in fries

2007-10-17T10:43:00.000+08:00

monday was a really terrible night...didn't expect dan to come down for dinner...and he stayed till quite late too so i wasn't able to cook for baby to eat...ah...crap...then the worst was i got scaled by hot oil too while doing dan's order...thank God it's healing fast..yea..felt so miserable about the whole thing that i decided to not eat dinner at all wif baby..since she's not eating, i'll not eat..yea..

then came yesterday :) which was a hell lot of fun for both of us getting lost in town trying to find heeren..in the end we took mrt from orchard to city hall instead where the HMV is at..lol hehe..baby managed to find her tv series of dark angel season two and bought it..but she still got nagging from her mum abt it...poor baby, -patpat- then we went for dinner at burger king which was the best choice. the radio played you are the music in me!!!wheeeee..haha...but then, my buddy from school decided to call me and ask abt sch which totally sucks...

ended up talking to him for like 20 to 30 minutes while baby was sitting alone at the corner...shit man...strike two...urgh...anyway, we slacked at starbucks after that cos apparently the esplanade seem to have some stuff going on and we can't find some nice place to chill..drank chocolate and chip ice bland which was actually kind of nice..but i was too full so baby finished up the whole venti cup..excluding the whip cream..lol..after that sent her home then i went back home myself...and now, i'm at home blogging cos i over slept for school..haha...gona go down later in the afternoon...lol..

baby this is for you
:D:D:D I LOVE YOU :D:D:D

2007-10-14T00:56:00.000+08:00

this i gota post..haha..

its damn funny to see ch's face and reaction today...he was like 0_O""" but with the mouth wide open..haha...totally stunned for like 2 seconds man?lol...then came bh-he was on the phone and talking then after i turned back and said huh,he was like omg not u not u,with the freaking pai seh look on his face and stuff and he was almost squatting down haha...

today's been a super fun day for me...and i can't contain it..whoo hoooooooo!!! i'm freaking high now
!!!wheeee...lol..gona go to bed soon i guess...gona wake for breakie with bro tml...hungry....i'm freaking hungry now...urgh...

2007-10-09T09:56:00.000+08:00

waking up to a morning with you in my thought...just loving it :) hope you had a good night's sleep. really enjoyed the time spent together, all the highing of your siblings and stuff..lol...dinner with your family and hanging out with your mom. not to forget the little clown whom bombed his own cage too haha...it's all natural :) had a great day with you and i hope you do too :)

2007-10-07T23:53:00.000+08:00

i'm glad things turn out well.. :) and i know you're trying too :) which makes me feel even more appreciated...thank you :) kinda nervous about tomorrow...cos it'll be my first time going over to your place and stuff...so yea...hope that tomorrow will be a fun day :) can't wait for tomorrow..hehe...

today's been a relaxing sunday...spent the morning mapling and relaxing at home. then went for service and stayed to crap with the gang till almost eveyone's gone off...was supposed to be having dinner with the gang but there was only three of us so we deiced to all go back home and rest instead...bought sushi for dinner :) wheee...second time i ate sushi this week..haha...gona be sleeping in a while but i know i wont be able to sleep any time soon...thinking about tomorrow..lol..

2007-10-07T03:03:00.001+08:00

it feels good to speak our mind out...at least now i know what you feel about me...and you do too..of how i feel about you...glad to be able to get it off my chest...though now may not be the time,i hope that it will come soon :)

2007-10-06T23:42:00.000+08:00

was it a wise move? i still dono...maybe i should let it go naturally...i wonder...i noe what i'm feeling is true and real...but...do u noe?and do u feel the same for me?i wonder...at this point in time...i really need some answer...a reply from you will be good...i'll wait...if there's no reply...then i might be on the wrong track...though it will be saddening for me...i just pray that a reply will come soon...

2007-10-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

had a great outing with someone special yesterday :) and i feel so happy about it..it
s really been a long while since i last had such a fun day with someone special and i thank God for giving me this one special chance.. :) thank God for the superbly fine weather too wasn't too hot nor was it too cold. and it was really just fun to walk around the zoo hehe..

though i didn't realized it was children's day yesterday,man there was so much little yellow/green/red/blue goblins running everywhere...lol...i'm just glad the little terrors didn't ruin the day for us :) hope to be able to spend another day with that someone again soon..hopefully, we can go catch chuck and lerry soon..next week?

tomorrow's another off day declared by mr low...so whoohooo...gona rot at home the whole day till evening then go for work...if possible, will try to start on the proposal for my project...but i'm feeling kinda lazy now...lol... :P

hmmm...i wana take away the pain in your mouth now but i cant...so i'll do my best to distract you from thinking too much about it :) hopefully the pain will go away after tonight's sleep...wish there's more i can do for u to ease ur pain..

2007-09-30T21:51:00.000+08:00

outing tomorrow!!!whoohooo!! :D finally i got the guts to ask someone out...whee...hope that tomorrow will be a fun and loving day :)

2007-09-30T02:24:00.000+08:00

EVERYDAY

Once in a lifetime
means there’s no second chance
so I believe that you and me
should grab it while we can

Make it last forever
and never give it back

It’s our turn, and I’m loving’ where we’re at
Because this moment’s really all we have

Everyday of our lives
wanna find you there
wanna hold on tight

Gonna run
While we’re young
and keep the faith

Everyday
From right now
gonna use our voices and scream out loud

Take my hand
together we will celebrate
Oh, everyday

They say that you should follow
and chase down what you dream

but if you get lost and lose yourself
what does it really mean?

No matter where we’re going
it starts from where we are

There’s more to life when we listen to our hearts
and because of you, I’ve got the strength to start

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Everyday
of our lives
wanna find you there
wanna hold on tight
Gonna run
while we’re young
and keep the faith

Everyday
from right now
gonna use our voices and scream out loud
Take my hand
together we
will celebrate
Oh, everyday

We’re taking it back
we’re doing it here
together

It’s better like that
and stronger now
than ever

We’re not gonna lose
Cause we get to choose
That’s how it’s gonna be

Everyday
of our lives
wanna find you there
wanna hold on tight

Gonna run
while we’re young
And keep the faith
Keep the faith

Everyday
of our lives
wanna find you there
wanna hold on tight
Gonna run
while we’re young
and keep the faith

Everyday
from right now
gonna use our voices and scream out loud
Take my hand
together we
will celebrate

Oh, everyday!

this song will be perfect for both of us :)
and i hope that it'll last till eternity :)

2007-09-23T19:14:00.000+08:00

7 days...that's the number of days we've been chatting since last sunday, every single day, though some might be short..i'm happy about it :) realised that i do kinda miss that someone when there's no reply..seems like i'm really into her, hopefully things will work out ya? waiting for the chance i guess...

coming wednesday, chalet!!whoohoo, gona be going down to ku's 21th birthday chalet after work with my colleages or, if she's able to go too, with her :) nice buddy ku already allowed me to bring her along if her parents allow her to go so yea...hopefully? haha...

anyway, some updates on school- just getting started on my final year project this week and well, it's kinda weird to be in a class with only 6 students and which, none of them whom i know. so ya, good thing i got to know most of them already and i actually got to know 3 of them quite quickly, one whom is my current project partner, and the other two, friends of my friend.

yup, and for the past week, have been attending lessons on programming and stuff, installing of softwares and rotting away in class..lol, oh ya, not to forget doing sai kang things for my supervisor who got himself involved with pretty much alot of events...and in the end, its us who have to do this and that...bleach...but for now, i'm quite happy with my classmates actually and the supervisors...nice people.

2007-09-18T19:55:00.000+08:00

urgh...this sour feeling coming out of me...bleah...don't know how to put it but that's somewhat i'm feeling now?...sian...trying to build up the bond here...but it seems that hey, there's actually quite alot which i don't know about this person...

haiz...shall have to get to know this person more i guess...the process is always long,yet the results might not be what we want...it could be even better,if everything goes well...oh well...

2007-09-17T22:16:00.000+08:00

i want a Ratatouille Remy Soft toy!!! the cute rat!!!ahhh...
damn he's such a cute rat..haha... totally lovable little chef...emm emmm...

taking things slowly,but still not very sure how things are going...hopefully things will work out...hmm...won't be bringing my laptop to school tomorrow tho...so no msn for me till i come back..maybe tru msg? shall see how...most likely there's not much to do but rot in the LT from 9 to 4 with an hr's lunch break ba...haha...either that or i'm gona disappear after lunch..shall see how it goes tml...yup..

i wonder i wonder i wonder...more white hair gona pop out soon...my head's already half filled with white hair...until i'm really sure about it...i'll continue to wonder and wonder and wonder...bleah..it seems pretty convincing tho...zz...

2007-09-16T19:07:00.000+08:00

how do i put it?felt like suddenly things are making sense to me somehow or rather...whether its really what i think it is or not, have this sudden abundance of feelings towards someone...though i'm still not sure about it...been having this feeling for awhile already i guess, but it never really got the better of me till yesterday...hmmm...

maybe i'm just being despo...or maybe not...i don't know, we'll see how things goes...maybe it's what it's meant to be...who knows...something might come out of it this time...though i'm still somewhat not confirm with that last sentence...oh well...just let things go the way they should ba...better not to do anything thing less i get screwed up again and hurt that someone...

2007-09-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

there's much to post about...firstly...my holidays are coming to an end...all 3 weeks of it...3 more days and it's back in school for my final year project...zzz...felt that i didn't even had enough time for holidays to do what i used to do...hang out with my buddies, catch a few movies, do some fun activities...all i got for these 3 weeks was well, work and more work...which gets kind of boring at times...and mapling early in the morning...

anyway, so i went in to jb with my mom today, was actually a pleasant visit there till we came back to singapore...was damn pissed off the the malay bastard who was doing the x-ray on the bags cause all he catches are chinese with gums and not a single malay got caught...wtf man...then my mom got to do the desroying of the gums...pui...seriously curse the bloody bastard man...no one got caught on the other lane and i can swear that they too, have bought gums back to singapore...knn...then now they have my mom's record...so fcuk the bloody malay sh!t...

another thing would be, related to my last posting...still couldn't find words to describe it as yet...and i still cannot determine if i'm really into it again...bleah...sucks big time...double big time...zzz...going to leave it haning here for now...unless you know where else to look for...

2007-09-08T00:53:00.000+08:00

don really wana post...but there are things i need to get off my chest..

am i really going through the same cycle over again? getting my hopes up and watching them fall every time...i need to move on and be who i am...but why am i always stuck in the same if not, similar situation...totally don't get it...worst case scenario would be the same result i obtained in the past...which, for the last time in my life, i do not hope for...

then there's always the case where we act as if nothing ever happened,though all of us will know that something did happened...we may pretend but the wound will always be there...mostly, i'm the only one wounded...so why do i always fall back into the same trap over and over again?

the feeling's getting intense once again,building up faster than i could catch up with...getting screwed around by my own heart really sucks big time...it's worse than being played by others...the only way to numb myself is to get myself loss in the world of mapling so that i will spend more energy and brain power on maple instead of this issue...

second thing is more of a private issue...which i'm not really gona let anyone in onto it...it's just too personal...and i'm still trying to figure things out...and i know for sure there's 3 ending to it...either one will come...no matter which is which...realized that getting too caught up in this issue might have been the silliest thing i've ever gotten myself into...it's like being in a cave while digging deeper in,1- i find treasures in the cave,2- i dig too deep in yet find nothing, or 3- i dig my way out of the cave. which ever it is, it's all fated...so i shall just leave it as that...

now to get my longed await sleep

2007-08-31T00:50:00.000+08:00

is the past coming back to haunt me in another way?with a different person?...it seems like it...it feels like it...it looks like it...is it?i can't tell anymore...actually...i can...but i'm going into the self-defense mode like in a snap of my fingers...and it seem pretty obvious too...hopefully i can pull through...

for my lil sis,you know where to look for the details >.0

2007-08-23T19:42:00.000+08:00

will this be the last post?...no idea...had the sudden urge to post today...

1:i know that i screwed up my paper today--a choose 4 out of 6 questions to do paper and i only know 2 1/2 of the 4 questions i chose...question 4 was a total goner...bleh...think i'm gona screw the last paper tomorrow...totally not in the mood to do revision..why?due to reason 2

2: finally i got my HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL DVD and the CONCERT DVD!!WHOOHOOOOO!!!!!i'm feeling freaking high now and so not in the mood for studying at all...ok...partly because due to watching HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2 for the past few days everyday...watched a total of say,4 to 5 times?lol..watched it just now too...muahahahaha

looking forward to the 9TH of SEPTEMBER when they air it on Disney channel!!!whoohooo i going high again!!!haha...oh well...wish me luck for my last paper tml...

2007-08-14T19:04:00.000+08:00

i seriously dono wat to post now...there's nothing of importance to post about or any big event going on...the only thing in my mind now is to lvl up my maple character and maybe, my examz...thats all...nothing else occupying my brain currently...especially since i decided to no longer care anymore...

gona go back to maple in awhile...waiting for friends to come online.

2007-08-06T00:43:00.000+08:00

here goes the weekend...oh well...lvled my bandit till 40 in 1 night and 1 day from lvl 37.great achievement for myself :D

anyway, peaceful weekend if not for freaking xiao hei fly airplane on alvin again...stupid guy...alway like that...

other than that..weekend was great :D and i got myself a pair of new shoes from new balance :) whee...

2007-08-03T00:44:00.000+08:00

once again thanks to all the people from the cafe :D you guys really surprised me when the sabo..lol. thanks to chris,alvin,suban,xiangting,audrey,muraly and yun yu too. not to forget daniel aswell. you guys really made my day :D

had pizza for dinner at the cafe and had alot of fun rubbishing with them..haha...sabo me big time man...so malu..haha...but it was really fun..hadn't had such a great birthday surprise in ages to come,some more it's from my colleagues..i love you guys man...really :D

and also thanks to my lil sis who smsed me on the dot 12am to wish me :D thank you lil sis!kor loves you too :D yup..gona be hunting for a sports shoe for myself to replace the old pair of shoe which the cushion already came off lol..then might be moving around town with my bro...again, he didn't say go where but jut go walk walk..haha..

oh well...gona wait for the hai to dry and the completion of sending the 26 mb maple patch to chris.then i'll go to sleep.think i'm gona go see more of Vanessa Hudgens on HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL while i wait :D such a sweet looking pretty young lady, my love for now..lol :P

kk...crapping so much...and finally i got rid off the waste money rubbish :D passed it to someone else..

2007-08-01T20:20:00.000+08:00

Breaking Free

Troy:
We’re soarin’, flyin’
There’s not a star in heaven
That we can’t reach

Gabriella:
If we’re trying
So we’re breaking free

Troy:
You know the world can see us
In a way that’s different than who we are

Gabriella:
Creating space between us
‘Til we’re separate hearts

Both:
But your faith it gives me strength
Strength to believe

Chorus #1
Troy:
We’re breakin’ free
Gabriella:
We’re soarin’
Troy:
Flyin’
Both:
There’s not a star in heaven
That we can’t reach
Troy:
If we’re trying
Both:
Yeah, we’re breaking free
Troy:
Oh, we’re breakin’ free
Gabriella:
Ohhhh
Troy:
Can you feel it building
Like a wave the ocean just can’t control
Gabriella:
Connected by a feeling
Ohhh, in our very souls
Both:
Rising ‘til it lifts us up
So every one can see

Chorus #2
Troy: We’re breakin’ free
Gabriella: We’re soarin’
Troy: Flyin’
Both:
There’s not a star in heaven
That we can’t reach
Troy:
If we’re trying
Yeah we’re breaking free
Gabriella:
Ohhhh runnin’
Troy:
Climbin’
To get to that place
Both:
To be all that we can be
Troy:
Now’s the time
Both:
So we’re breaking free
Troy:
We’re breaking free
Gabriella:
Ohhh , yeah

Troy:
More than hope
More than faith
Gabriella:
This is true
This is fate
And together

Both:
We see it comin’
Troy:
More than you
More than me

Gabriella:
Not a want, but a need
Both:
Both of us breakin’ free

Chorus #3
Gabriella: Soarin’
Troy: Flyin’
Both:
There’s not a star in heaven
That we can’t reach
If we’re trying
Troy: Yeah we’re breaking free
Gabriella:
Breaking free
Were runnin’
Troy:
Ohhhh, climbin’
Both:
To get to the place
To be all that we can be
Now’s the time
Troy: Now’s the time
Gabriella: So we’re breaking free
Troy: Ohhh, we’re breaking free
Gabriella: Ohhhh

Both:
You know the world can see us
In a way that’s different than who we are

2007-07-30T00:48:00.000+08:00

ok...so i haven't been here since tuesday...was busy with school deadlines and all...and plying maple story too :D lol..

and finally my 60 GB pocket hard disk is here...yaynesss...transfered all the stuff over liao..so at least my laptop's not too laggy now due to lack of space...freed up half the space on my D drive too...wheee...

ok...school this week will be class quizzes, and some reflection report to submit and i'm through with it...then it's study for exams soon...bleh...fast sia...after that, 3 weeks of rest before my project starts.

anyway,not much to blog about...so...bye bye lil sis..haha..

2007-07-24T22:10:00.000+08:00

wow...quite surprised that the so called big report was actually so easy to do.done it within an hour...power...anyway,left 2 tests and one presentation left for the week...should be able to survive them.yup :)

didn't see the angel today tho, think timing different.maybe tomorrow will see her..O_o..haha...anyway,finalyl have time to maple just now...but the server was freaking lagging...think too much people were playing...kinda irritated me tho...stupid computer ram like gone case liao...

loading one map can forced the ram to over run and stops all together...then had to restart my com like twice to get it boot up...wa lao...then just now had to do system restore too...really need to back up all my stuff before the laptop gg...and the freaking hard disk only come next week...wtf...just hope that my laptop can last till then...

zzz....now wana play game also don't dare to...in case the ram over heat then crash...bleh...just gona slack awhile then go to bed soon...if not i'll be like today,woke up then went back to sleep and slept through my second alarm timing....only woke up after my friend called to ask if wana meet to go school...haha..then i was like sorry i just woke up..lol

k la...better get going soon...though i'm not feeling that tired...and oh...think i'm coming down with a bad sore throat,spat out a super dark brown phlegm while in school in the afternoon...nasty stuff...and i think there's more where it came from..ewww...better drink more h2o..

2007-07-23T23:48:00.000+08:00

3 reports down :D whoohoooo....1 big one to go O_o...plus the presentation along with it...anyway,cleared quite a number of stuff...only left the big guns to be completed...stress level have gone down quite abit...feels great to play maple after doing the 2 reports :D get to clear my mind from school for 1 to 2 hours..

on another note, there's nothing i can say at all......though it's still kinda lingering around...the feelings i mean...there's not much i can do or say to comfort or make someone feel better...but i'm glad it's better already...so i guess i'll just watch that someone from afar...so that at least there won't be any awkwardness in the air...

and oh...i saw the angel again today!!!!didn't realised that she was on the same bus to school till i got off at KAP mac there where she got off too :D,again...she kinda stared at me for a split second or two...and omg man...she was wearing this..ermm...what do they call it?hot pants? or hot short?whatever la...but it's like so skin tight u'd think she's not wearing anything underneath...eww...ok...no detail...

gona go to bed already...shag out and long day ahead...school then the big report to be done so that i can send it to my group mates by wednesday...oh ya,gona be watching harry potter on wednesday too :D

2007-07-22T21:08:00.000+08:00

kinda in the mood where i don't wana do anything at all...super tired from the past few days of working...shag...meeting for presentation then have lab test from tomorrow till thursday and 3 reports to hand in,one tomorrow,and 2 on tuesday...then on on friday,having a big presentation and report to hand in too...

sucks man...all the presentations,testes,and freaking reports all clash in the same timing...all the freaking stress pile up into 1 big stress....f it man...my eye bags are so bad now when i remove my spectacles,you can see the panda eyes...i seriously am in need of a long break away from school,work,church,everything....even my family...i just need some space for myself man...some time where i can just slack off without anyone interfering with me...

too tired to have a headache now...my brain's totally switched off...but the things insides are all running at full speed...imagine jamming the engine of your car to max while the hand break and normal breaks are on...sooner or later,the car will go "boom" and that's where my brain's heading now...too tired to move but still the mind's running...sucks man...

gona give up already..can't continue typing anymore...

2007-07-21T01:03:00.000+08:00

i saw the angel today :D wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... was on the way down to the cafe from school in 74 and then the angel board the bus :D and as expected,she dropped off at the same spot again...where i alighted too...though when i was alighting,i saw her kind of staring at me...then when i looked at her,she just turn her head to another direction O_o...

anyway,the angel didn't go back home though,she went to take bus at the other stop ( double bus stop) and i was waiting for 167/980 on the other one...oh well...i was still wondering when i would bump into her again and viola,took the same bus again :) twice in a week for this week..hope to see her more often :P

then couldn't get people to cover my shift today cause everyone's busy or not contactable...bleh...then i rushed down to in-square salon to meet my mom to do my hair before rushing back to work..now i look like a lion man,my hair's color is lighter and brighter than the previous color plus now i have highlights too...power :) cost a total of $100 from my pocket man...broke again...now have to wait for my pay at the end of the month to top up my banck account again ...

gona be working in the morning shift later...till 5pm then it'll be home sweet home for me :)whoohooo...can get to watch all the movies i got from my friend on thursday,finished with "ust follow law" then maybe i'll watch "flush away" tomorrow...as for now,my poor brain's freaking tired already...had presentation and quiz in school today,though both was good,still kinda tax my brain abit...

ohoh and the gang of us (just 3 persons) had lunch with our lecturer, and he's a seriously damn funny dude...haha...had a good time lunching with him,and next friday think we're gona be lunching with him again..yup,thats all for now...i'm feeling hungry....urgh...

2007-07-19T22:14:00.000+08:00

hmmm...was thinking...and all of a sudden...this question came into my mind again:"what if i were to let go...will there be a hand i can hold on to,will there many hands to hold on to or will i free fall all the way down?"

kinda made me wonder how many real friends do i really have?are they all real buddies?or is everyone just putting on a mask?am I putting on a mask too?...till now,i have no answer to any of the questions i just posted...so will i fall all the way down?

shoot for the stars,so that if you fall,you'll land on the moon...now,it's the reverse...shoot for the moon,so that if you fall...at least it's nearer to the ground compared to falling from the stars...and by that,i mean the moon as one true friend and stars as many masked friends...how ever,if the moon is the one true friend,will you ever fall?

no idea...but if i do fall...here comes the next question:"will i be able to get up on my feet and continue with the journey or will the fall cripple me for life?"never thought so deeply in awhile...my brain's thinking different from normal...

and so speaking...could be from the stress from school getting on to me...it's been so long since i last felt stressed up over school...presentations after presentations...quizzes after quizzes...reports after reports...and they all fall in the same weeks,making things worse...and by weeks...i mean last week,this week and the coming week...like wth sia...all cramp together...not to mention the fact that i'll be having like 4 lab tests next week too...

just hope that things will be better after all these are over...no wait...there's still the final examination in one month's time..oh man...then after all these are finally over...i'll only have a short break of 3 weeks before the FYP comes up...sigh...school is getting alot tougher in just a few months...

2007-07-17T19:20:00.000+08:00

[when will i meet you again?i wonder...the pretty gal in bus 852...and 812..lol :P take 852 in the morning to school everyday but only bump into her like once every 2 weeks.saw her in school today,and again,she always dresses till she's easily picked out in a crowd...

then was on the way home and saw her again :) eyes cream :P haha...and just as i thought,she took bus 74 to the mac bus stop to wait for iether 852 or 855..and guess what?she took the 852 i was in...wheee...high sia...then after alighting in the interchange, walk to 812 bus stand and again,she's there..

and since the bus was quite crowded.i stood in the middle of the bus where the two cabin joins and you know what?she sat right at the seat right in front of the juncture right opposite where i was standing...so it was like eyes cream all the way till she alighted at the 5th stop...and i realised that she kinda kept looking to the left slightly towards my direction..maybe cause i was in the same bus as her from almost half the journey home..hehe

never noticed her in the past...why huh?and i noticed that she only start taking 852 when i was in year 2,so i deduce that she's one year my junior in age and in year 2...as for the course she's in,i have no idea...never really seen her with notes or even with her friends in school...just have to get the right opportunity and maybe i'll even get to befriend her :)...haha...if only...]

oh well...enough of the eyes cream..hehe...just can't stop thinking of her..haha...erm...ok...school was good i suppose...played gundam on the psp almost the whole day...lol..then went walking at co-op to see "chio bu"s too..haha today basicaaly was the "chio bu" day...don't know why see so many chio bu today...see but no touch...if not gg...then get thrown to jail plus rotan...nasty...

anyway,gona be going to the salon on saturday with my agin...fianally,almost 3 month plus...gona get a hair cut,erm...trimming thin only la...then maybe color my hair again then get some extension provided they're not too expensive..yup..so won't be going for cell this saturday since the appointment is at 4:30..gona go down after work and most probably staying there till quite late...since my mom wana reborn her hair again...and maybe coloring her hair too..oh well...hope that the new hair do will look good.

as for now...bye people...gona slack the night of..tata

2007-07-16T22:04:00.000+08:00

got to know a new friend today..haha...one of my buddy's friend who live in yishun too..and i always see him taking 852 to school and home..haha...now we're officially friends since fiq introduced us to each other...and you know what,he's quite a nice guy in fact...tho my first impression of him was he's a **** up person,it'a not really the case..

yup,and might not be going for service after all,have to see how...though i'll want to go for service before going to work...then i'll have a super long day ahead...breakfast,service,work,dinner...long day i'll say...and i still don't know what to ask for my birthday present...my mom told me to tell uncle kk and aunty alison what i want but don't know le...like what i want is all expensive stuff...then i'll feel uneasy asking them to buy it for me...hmmm....

must think of something by tomorrow i think...bleh...

2007-07-15T22:13:00.000+08:00

another tiring day at work...started at 12pm till7pm...cos yy couldn't reach home in time to come in at 5pm..haha..then the freaking blackie...really "tu lan" him already...2 sundays in a row,last minute drop bomb on us again...didn't turn up for work...wtf...yesterday still ok...then again,sunday so called "fall sick"...what sia...

anyway,gona be working again coming sunday..but i'll be attending service first..yup :) then after that gona be having dinner with family to celebrate my sis and my birthday..whooopeeee...food...haha...then inviting uncle kk and aunty alison too :) still thinking what to do for my b-day...go makan with buddies or just spend some quality time with close friends?or work?i dono...don't really wana work tho...

hmmm...and i'm not quite sure if i can get my close friends out or not... :( bleh...or do i even have any close friends at all?i wonder...still wishing for ******** tho...sigh...is there nothing i can do to make things better?...bleh.........so many things happened this year...so many things i can't catch up with them...going crazy...

school tomorrow again...slack day...but again,this week will be somewhat busy,3 reports to do,1 t hand in by wednseday,2 next week,1 on monday,and the other on friday...other then that.it's work on friday night,saturday morning and sunday morning..yup...

2007-07-14T01:36:00.000+08:00

ffff...i'm feeling almost brain dead...tired...but then my mind's burning the oil like mad...yet i don't really know what my brain's thinking about currently...so many things yet so little things...zzz...wana take another puff...but not sure if i should...sure gona be hook to it if i continue with more puffs...zzz...haiz...

but i need some boost...my poor brain's almost depleted all the energy the body is supplying it and demanding for more...ate my dinner at about 10pm and i'm hungry already...it shows how fast my brain's sucking up all the energy from the dinner...ahh...my head's hurting liao...really gona "buang" soon...still waiting for my hair to dry before i go to sleep...and my sis's in a really bad shape...vomited so many times...guess i'll wait till she goes to bed before i sleep..in case anything happens i can help..

oh well...my family is my life.

2007-07-13T00:50:00.000+08:00

napha was a total screwed...haha...kinda expected the out come anyway :P..went for the sake of going since it's the last day for Soe EE division...yaya...i don't really care...haha...am prepared to go in 2 months ahead of those who just scraped pass with a silver...after which,i'll be gloating at them when they come in to join us..haha...since the extra 2 months will be tekan and tekan and tekan all the way till getting gold is as easy as abc..muahaha..

just finished my freaking power point presentation for tomorrow's presentation for WISP...bleh...always doing all the stupid funny studies on some God knows where region(actually i do know about those region-just that i ffff care them) then having to do some presentations...haiz...then in the afternoon,not too sure if 1MQE was supposed to have the skit presentation thing this week or the next...bleh...

so many things to do...so little time for them...then i'm gona have to drag my aching body to work tomorrow night...sure gona be a real pain in the ass for me sia...but at least,tomottow won't be all that bad,if the new part timer is working too..since i'm supposed to do her last training..and i haven't seen her in person yet,one of yy's friend from np too..lol..haha...and again,everyone was like-hey she's quite prety le ariel..tall tall also...every time when there's a new female part timer,i'm always the one who kana the arrow for this kinda thing...like i'm a quack quack or something...

hopefully tomorrow's gona pass pretty harmlessly for me...oh well...better get sleeping soon...it's 1am...

2007-07-11T23:16:00.000+08:00

napha tml...and there's the totally screwed up IED PBL3...then after all these are done,the freaking presentation to be prepared for friday...bleh...tough day ahead tml...stress and taxing on the body and brain...

hopefully i can leave class early for napha,if late again,then won't be able to take the freaking test this sem...pui...gona fail it anyway so...oh well...but still need the attendents...haha..gona try to finish up all the freaking deadlines for this week by tml...thnik my brain's gona pop like popcorns...there it goes:"pop pop pop pop pop popopopppopopppp"ouch...my poor brain...

and i think i might be down with illness again soon...my nose's been block ever since i came back from northpoint...freaking thick mucus blocking the passage...yucks...and my nose feels slimy...yucks...okok...enough of the details...bleh...haven't been sleeping much the past few days...busy with maple sorry to say that...haha...

and just found out that my exam would be from the 20th august onwards...almost 1 month away...sucks man...after the exam i'll only have 3 weeks of break before my final semester starts...and it will be project all the way till i complete my final year in ngee ann...fast sia...it was only like yesterday when i enter poly...now i'm on the verge to graduating....and it will be serving the nations as the lowest lifeform in singapore in BMT..haha..

ah well...better get going,gona have a freaking long day tml...chaoo...

2007-07-11T00:02:00.000+08:00

ok...so didn't take my napha today,gona take it on thursday hopefully if i'm early...was late today then my left ankle was cracking the whole day when i walk...then stupid freaki pulled his thigh muscle so we decided to do it on thursday...sian...wana et it over with tho...then the turn out for today's napha also not alot of people...about 40 to 50 only...super little la...

tomorrow gona be slacking almost the whole day in school...not going for the retest anymore,cause when convert to 20%,i'll only get 20% if i managed to pass the retest,which i'll probably fail...and to pass means i'll get 10 marks,which i have 7.5 from the real test..so i guess 2.5 marks doesn't really make a difference in my final results since i think i'll fail it...sigh...moving on...

gona go home after the practical since tutorial we don't do much there...kinda waste of a time...the lecturer is just too slack to give us tutorial i guess...always send the answers to us by email...sheesh...but i don't reall care since i don't do tutorial..lol..and oh...i had my first puff...muahahaha...just for the fun of it la...

actually i realised there's not much taste in it...not as how i expected it to be though...not much taste not much feeling...feels like you're just burning away your money and inhaling in the output of the burning which is the smoke...other than that,i still don't get why people do it..oh well...i guess sooner or later,i'll find out..oh well...

kinda feeling bored and sian...like everything's all laid out and planned for me to follow...and i don't really have my own choice to things...bleh...totally hate it when i'm not in control of my time...boring...gona maple again

2007-07-09T21:31:00.000+08:00

ok...i just realised that this week is a hell week for me...had to rush my report to hand in tomorrow but i'm stuck,so i gave up..my mind's dead....then tomorrow having napha which i will fail miserably and contribute to an aching body...bleh...

thursday will have to rush out powerpoint for friday's presentation and from friday till sunday,i'll be working...sucks man....totally...my week is more or less gone...no time for relax,maple,and stuf...but i'll want to at least level up my freaking character to level 31 or 32...my bro's freaking slack pumping his character now...hitting level 32 and i'm only half way tru level 30...sucks sucks sucks...

"pui pui pui cao nua"....freaking tired and brain dead now...haiz...and i'm wondering if that was for me to read...haiz...i won't know what's going on unless i'm told of the situation...still thinking of that every now and then...zzz....think i should go to bed soon...rest my poor aching body before they get battered up even more tomorrow...

headaches...ouch...my head's really hurting...bleh...

2007-07-08T17:57:00.000+08:00

good sermon...but did it speak to me?...can't tell as of yet...still trying to live life though i had many thoughts otherwise...oh well...brush that aside...breakfast was funny...second time in 3 weeks,we only started breakfast at 8:40am when we're supposed to meet at 8:00am...always..and today,everyone was late...

supposed to give wake up call to yanni then she never charge her hp so all i got was:"the singtel mobile customer you've dial,is currently not in use..please try again later."wow...like how am i supposed to give wake up call when the hp is dead?haha...funny though...then when i reached,sent esther a msg and again...stunned...

i just woke up...sorry sorry i rush down now...haha that was what esther replied...then zhuang was mia all the way and lala reached late too...so i just sat the the table and played with my hp games...for 30 minutes...till yanni arrived,then esther followed by lala...aiyo...really should have went at 8:40an lor...haha...ate my favourite century egg porridge again.wheee...haha

and esther paid for my food again...AGAIN...last night she paid for the "teh peng",my dinner...then dosay she paid for the porridge...my breakfast...walao...like i eat free sia...haha...then coming saturday if i'm going for cell must treat her back man...if not i feel so blehhh...lol...but next sunday i won't be around...will be working in the morning...if not alvin will skin me cause i never work on sunday..haha..

ok...this post is getting long...gona end it here and prepare to go for supper later...chao people...

2007-07-07T23:20:00.000+08:00

ok...i've got nothing to blog about today...feeling brain dead...

2007-07-06T23:03:00.000+08:00

been busy the past few nights...or rather the past week nights..worked last night and the rest was spent on maple story...playing maple story again really kinda helps me to cope with my current unstable condition...at least i get to spend my concentration and time on leveling my character rather than being miserable and moody...

finally achieved my second job title at level 30 after 1 week and 1 day..whoohoo...now i'm just waiting to see how long will it take for me to hit level 50...hmmm...think it'll take about 1 month i guess...gona start chionging my level again soon...gona take a break for tomorrow and maybe sunday...if not i'll get too brain bead when i go back to school..

other than that,not much to talk about...every thing's pretty much where i left them before...not much change except for me..feel like a lost soul wondering around aimlessly...no motto in life,nowhere to go...no dreams...no nothing...a lost soul...waiting to be retrieved by someone and place back inside a body...so that i can function again...now i have no life...

which brings me to the next question...how do you kill one that has no life?you know what?you can't...since i have no life...i can't be eliminated from this world...i can only stay on and hope for someone to retrieve my soul one day...when will it be?i have no clue to it...1 day?1 week?1 month?1 year?1 decade?1 century?...no idea...maybe not when i'm alive...who knows...

2007-07-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

playing maple kind of burn my eyes for hours...but at least,it keeps my mind from overloading...think i'm going nuts soon...school load is starting to become heavier,not to mention final exam coming up in about 6 weeks time...then my design project will be starting on 17th september...not going to have much of a holiday i guess...

sigh...and it doesn't help with people calling me every 2 days asking to work cover duties...bleh...already told them i can't on these few days and gave my reasons long ago...still kept asking me why cannot work...already cross out the dates with a big freaking X and it seem that there's not much use of it is there?

so many things on my mind now...school work,some due tomorrow and still not started yet...pui...work itself,having to cover duties now and then and during my holidays when big boss gona go give birth...but i wana go for holiday!!!!to clear my mind and take a break from all that had happened...hopefully i can get some time away from work and go for a short trip...better start saving up...

last note,feel that we're not really clicking like we used to...not much to talk about...never chatted over msn for 1 wk plus...talk also one sentence question or answer...never really had a whole hearted chat like we used to...maybe we've change...i don't know...maybe it's just me...the one who's changing...sigh...

2007-07-03T18:31:00.000+08:00

i realised...i've never really felt happy the past week...though i joked and crap about as usual...i wasn't happy...the surface was happy but not the inside...the inside was rotting away...slowly being eaten up and engulfed by the monstrous me...

don't think i'll ever be the same old me again...i might look the same,sound the same,do the same things...but some how...it's just not me anymore...the old me seemed to have disappeared along the road...and the other me seem to be coming out more and more...the monstrous side of me...

i'm starting to hate alot of things...people...some of whom are my friends...and i kind of loathes going for cell and service again...happening again...the last time it happened...i didn't appear for like 2 to 3 months at all...then i started appearing again...though i leave half-way through services at times...

bleh...if it's gona happen again...think it'll take longer to get everything right again...as for now...going for a walk at northpoint...

2007-07-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

shagged...5 hours of none stop maple...and my bro's still going strong...power...zzz

2007-07-01T23:44:00.000+08:00

been thinking of the things that happened the past week...the things said and done...were they worth doing?were they worth saying?it all voice down to just one answer...they aren't really worth it...what ever i was looking for in you...it just wasn't worth it...what ever i was and had been looking for in life...it just wasn't worth it...

things happens for a reason...i may not know the reason now...but i will...when the time comes...for now...it's just another daily thing that happen to one in his life...and now it's my life...nothing to be said...since it's all part of living life itself...it's just whether you will live life to it's fullest or not...

haven't been in a good mood this week though...partly due to what had happened...but i guess i'll live through it somehow...not fine but surviving...that's my answer for now...school has become a daily routine again...waking up early for school and stuff...work is still the same...but my life has been changing from the inside out almost everyday...

well...it's just my life i guess...changing every minute...

2007-06-30T01:00:00.000+08:00

no i'm not feeling ok or happy now...there's just no mood for anything...what made it worse was when i left my wallet at home while on my way to work...it's like i took my mp3 player,my head phones,my keys,my hair ties,my hand phone,chris' thumb drive,tissue and my handy bottle...and yet i fcuking forgot about about my wallet...omg man...

so i was walking to the bus stop which was a 10 minutes walk away while blasting my mp3 player...then i kept fiddling with my jeans cause it just didn't feel right somewhere somehow...kept adjusting the point where my jeans touches the shoe...then i was like 1 minute away from the bus stop and i thought through all the things i got...

and fcuk...i realised that i had forgotten about the fcuking wallet!!!first word that came out really...was "fcuk"...the next thing i knew,i was calling alvin to inform him that i would be late...then i chiong all the way back home just to retrieve the fcuking wallet...a serious waste of my time...called home to confirm that the wallet was on the table then i rushed back up to get it...

went back down in 5 minutes after cooling off a little...was perspiring like some dog...then i decided to take a cab down...cause i really didn't want to walk all the way back to the freaking bus stop anymore...burnt my last 7 bucks on the cab fare cause it was peak hour and fcuk man...they charge extra 2 freaking bucks for the freaking peak hour...then since i had no money left on me,had to loan 10 bucks from the tips box to cab home...fcuk sia...lousy day,..

better go withdraw some cash tomorrow...if not i'd be a freaking broke shit who can't do any transaction that involves personal cash...pui...i'm using more of that fcuking word than i used to...i'm really not ok...

2007-06-27T20:30:00.000+08:00

3 out of 4 papers pass..whoohooo...tomorrow's gona be disastrous cause i know for sure i'm to fail my last paper..lol...knew it from the moment i sat in the examination room..haha...so just have to see how badly i did for the paper tomorrow ba..

on another note...been 3 days since second term started...and well,things seems to be going well for a start...the only sina thing would be next week i'll ba having 2 evening sessions for p.t training...to so called "prepare" us for the up coming napfa test in 2 weeks time...bleh...i'm sure to get nil so i'll jsut go for the participation...after the napfa will be starting my own training i guess...

don't wana suffer big time in NS..maybe just build up my running and do some weight lifting since i had never been able to train up my arms...haven't the slightest clue why i couldn't train up the biceps...did some weight lifting before and in like 1 week,the biceps when back to normal...can't seem to keep them in shape...oh well...bleh...

ok...i'm feeling bored now...nothing to do...nothing to watch...and i'll have to sleep early...gona be out he whole day tomorrow...school till late afternoon and work at night...

2007-06-26T23:13:00.000+08:00

ear piercing...hmmm...sounds like a good idea once more..lol...should i or should i not?i know i want it...hmmm...the only problem is will my mom freak out?100% yes..haha...so i'll still have to see first...

if can,i'd want to get two...one on the ear lope,and the other on the top of the ear..where the soft bone is...dying to get them...but what will i tell my mom if i were to pierce my ear without telling her before hand?...no idea...

but i bet some people will be stunned by it...lol..but it's my choice..yup..oh well...maybe i'll get one first...then we'll see how..

2007-06-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

in order to rid the world of the trashes...we have to dig...dig a hole...a hole that is so huge...so huge such that no matter how...we dig and dig and dig and dig...it's just not deep enough...not deep enough to bury all the trashes of this world...us...human...

the seven of us shall dig...till we can rid the word of it's trashes...male...female...children...elderly...including ourselves...it's all for the good cause...to return the world back to it's original cleanliness...we must continue digging...

the blood stained hands of human...filth...the dirty thoughts of human...filth...humanity itself...filth...the portal must be open...to rid the world of it's evil...evil itself must be release into the world...2 days...and the portal will open...2 more days...the world will be filled monsters from the nether world...monsters to rid the trashes of the face of the world...2 days... ... ...2... ... ...days... ... ...

ps:nothing's gona really happen...it's all fake

2007-06-25T07:02:00.000+08:00

forget it...just forget it...don't wana care anymore...cause it doesn't matter in the first place...all that matters to me...just turn into a pile of shit...within seconds...so just let it be...

like i've mentioned before..."things which are done cannot be undone to undo the harm that is done"...whatever had been done is done...there's nothing that can be done anymore...i'll just look it in the face and laugh..

since you shut me off in the first place...fine...i don't really care anymore...since no matter what i tried,it just pisses you even more...then forget it...what i've seen in a show:"if a book is flipping it's pages too fast for my comfort...just close that book and throw it away..."and that's what i'm gona do from today on...

all those thoughts and feelings will be crushed into a ball...and thrown far far away into darkness...where nothing ever returns from...case 1,been there done it...case 2,a repeat of case 1....so just fcuk them shall we?let's send this incident to darkness..never to be spoken of again..

2007-06-17T13:05:00.000+08:00

finally...one day of rest for me :D after working consecutive...it's quite tiring...especially when you go back home around 12am and sleep around 2am...and all the pastas that you will eat...oh man...i'm getting freakingly fatter...dinner at like 9pm which is so later till my stomach doesn't digest the food...and the pastas just ass on to the extra load...bleh...

gona be slacking my butt off today...since it's the only day where i'm free for the week...coming week would be tiring...working almost everyday and long hours too...but hey...it's work...yup..anyway...had been a great morning though it was raining...the weather was cooling and :D i will not talk about other things..it's for me to know and for you to find out.

oh well..gona go slack my butt off liao...

2007-06-15T01:08:00.000+08:00

nasty skin problem came back...got worse after the wedding dinner when i drank alcohol...oh well...then after that was all the washing and detergent whcih my hands spent mostly on...

cant really see the difference in them but trust me...it's kinda nasty when you see the real thing...my hands that is...the cracks run along the finger tips which went deep to the flesh...and the feeling of raw wounds on the finer tips...totally nasty...

only comfort is that it's not at it's worst and i still can cope with the weird feelings on the finger tips...good thing only 4 out of 10 had the worst cracks..the rest is'nt all that bad yet...not to mention my feets too..the skins are peeling like mad everytime i'm done with my bath...si had to peel the skin off myself since they just doesn't want to come off by themselves..eww..

shag now...my eyes are like twitching like mad nad trying to force shut themselves...zzz...gg